So, here I am, 2 months after diagnosis

3 minute read time.

I've been meaning to write a blog ever since my father was diagnosed, but as often happens, things get in the way. Firstly, heres a brief introduction to whats happened so far.

My father was a fit, (fairly) heathly 80 year old. He'd kept active and trim, he only vice being the occasional whisky and travel, mostly on cruises. After the freezing cold winter of 2010, he went, with my mother, on a last minute cheapy cruise around the Canary Islands. Whilst on the ship, he didnt feel too well and my mother ate on her own for a couple of nights.

On their return to the UK, I met them at the airport and realised that something was very wrong. My fathers speach was slurred and his words (usually eloquent) were random and nonsensical. As I tried to make sense of what he was saying, I got thinking about the causes and narrowed it down to a small stroke, which was confirmed by his GP and a hospital visit a few days later.

He was given a very strict diet to follow as there was some concerns about his chloesterol levels and I was pleased to see he stuck by it too. Fairly soon afterwards, however, the frustration with his poor speach, plus his rapidly failing eyesight, indicated that something far worse was going on. His GP, concerned about his deteriation, got him admitted to Luton and Dunstable Hospitals Stroke unit in early April. After tests, they confirmed that, alongside the stroke, they found a Brain tumour, which was inoperable.

The Hospital, together with the Royal Free in London, decided that the best course of action was to send him home. No survival time was given, just that being at home would be the best in the long run. In the first few weeks at home, despite the difficulty of poor sight and speach, my Father settled and seemed able to cope. His GP made arrangements for District Nurse and MacMillan visits My father did not appreciate the gravity of his condition despite family and Nursing staff telling him.

Then last week he took another turn for the worse. Ever independent, he could barely get to the toilet without getting very breathless. As he had a GP visit booked, my mother arranged for the GP to do a home visit. Immediately his GP phoned for the paramedics as he suspected heart failure. On arrival at A&E, his breathing was monitored and eventually he was moved to the ACU.

 A Consultant spoke to my mother and myself and explained that, following a CT scan they had found a number of clots on his lungs, which was partially the reason for his breathing condition, he also spoke to us about his long term prospects and discussed DNR, which we agreed was the option. Since then he has been moved to an elderly care ward and is on oxygen 24 hours a day.

The medical staff, from Consultants to Nurses, porters and support staff, have all been brilliant and have kept us, his family, up to date and informed. Although I am not a medical person, I can see him slowly slipping away and with every visit I can see a bit more deteriation. For the past two days he seems to have come to terms with his fate and has been calm and subordinate, instead of his usual combatitive self. Whether this is a sign I am not sure.

This has been my first brush with Cancer and this site has been a great information source and the Macmillan staff have offered fantastic support, I will add more updates to this blog and I hope anyone reading this can see that, despite by Fathers impending death, in writing this i want to say that death can be dignified.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hi there roblegin

    reading ur blog brought me to tears, we r going through the exact same thing with our mum, her speech has deteriorated over the past two weeks and we fear the tumour is growing again. shes so frustrated and cries  as cant speak much any more. I too feel she is not my mum and the tumour has taken her over. Dad needs a break and they are lookin into a few days hopefully at the hospice she has been attending once a week, as she likes it there and does not want to go back in hosp or a care home. Its so bloody hard to watch ur parent change so dramatically and be so helpless in doin anything about it too. big hugs to you all xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Carol,

    I hope in the past few weeks things have improved for you, your family and of course your Mum. This disease is very cruel to everyone involved or surrounding the patient. my dads illness has progressed further, speech, apart from 'yes and no' is impossible. Recently he has started to have balance problems which have progressed to his right leg being rendered useless. The combined pressure of the family and some good support from Social Services, GP team and Macmillan has allowed my Father to be taken into a local care home. of course we, as family, feel quilty about this but it is, on balance the best place for him as his care is paramount. My Mum needs a break badly too and has aged considerably over the past few months, not being the kind to ask for help, although its offered almost constantly. I fear that dad doesnt have long to go now and I am fighting the feeling that his death will be a godsend to him, I'm sure you understand what I mean by that.

    Take care and thanks for the hugs, giving you loads back too xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hi roblgin

    bad times we jus recieved the results from latest scan and they can do no mor for mum, no one sayin how long. she seemed better yesterday too and i was clinging to a glimmer of hope but no. so now wot do we do feel so helpless and angry and scared all at the same time.

    I made her a communication book tho for wen she cant speak at all, has pics in of basic things she may need like toilet, food, drink, tablets bed etc, helps to relive som of the frustration.

    I understand your feelings so well and am fightin them myself especially now .

    take care xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    So here I am, early September, and now 5 months from my Dad being diagnosed with a brain tumour. for the past 4 weeks Dad has been in a local care home, who are doing their best to make his last weeks / months as comfortable as possible.

    Initially, he didnt like it in the home at all, as he was still strong enough mentally and physically, to fight it. He started to wander at night, within the home and fell over many times, as his right side was incredibly weak. He has now calmed down, due to his rapid deterioration and, I think, an acceptance of his fate.

    The dad I remember was a tall strong, working man, with a hard edge. Now, following a two week holiday, I see a withered, little old man, who weighs a fraction of his original weight, who has taken to cuddling a furry toy for comfort. he has also taken to throwing personal effects away, including clothes, his false teeth and glasses. Fortunately the care staff found these items and look out for similar incidences. His speech is almost impossible now, although he still tries. He falls asleep at the drop of a hat, but is at least eating well, albeit being fed by a member of staff.

    I have no idea of how long it will be before my father passes, but, watching how fast he is deteriorating, I cannot see him lasting many more months, possibly even weeks. On the positive side, the care he has recieved has been good and when differing agencies have worked together the outcome has always been positive.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    So here I am, 6 days after my Dad passed away. Right up to the very end the staff at the care home were brilliant and kept my mum and myself informed. Dad slipped into a coma 10 days ago and died peacefully on Saturday 18th December. Although his speech was pretty much non-existant in his last few weeks, he did try any speak on our visit last Wednesday. We had tried to keep things as normal as possible and gave him Christmas cards. When he saw these (very close up as his sight had failed by then) her uttered a very clear 'Merry Christmas'.

    I am pleased he has now passed and has found peace. The last 8 months have been tough on all the family, but cannot be anywhere near as bad as what he has suffered.

    Rest in peace Dad 8/4/1929 - 18/12/2010