Really struggling tonight

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

22 Mar 2012

I am having a really awful evening. I cant get it out of my head that we are going to lose my lovely Dad. I know we could have a while with him yet, but the thought of not having him around is tearing me apart. Dad has been my confidante all of my life. We are so alike and have fought like cats over the years, in fact, I couldn't live under the same roof as him as a teenager and his 'over protectiveness' of me seemed to stifle me.

I would do anything to have that again right now. To have my Dad's strong arms to protect me. I know he is still around, still able to hug me and chat to me, but for the first time tonight it has hit me like a tonne of bricks that he is not going to be around for a great deal of time longer.

I can't stop crying. I know it is pathetic and I should be strong, but at times like tonight, I just need to be wrapped up in self pity and get this little blip out of my system.

I know there are people on here who are in a more tragic position than I at the moment, but I can't see anything but my own misery.

Sorry folks...please bear with me.

xxx

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Why shouldn't you cry? Anyone would. There's nothing about the situation that doesn't suck. All you can do, really, is give your father all the support and love you can while you still have him. Cancer is an utter, utter bastard.

*hugs*

Hilary
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

You people are all so amazing and it made me smile and wipe away yet another tear just reading your comments. Hilary, you are right, cancer is an utter utter bastard, but at least we have moved on from the days when people whispered the word under their breath, or old ladies mouthed the word cancer without actually saying it. Or those people who called it the 'big C'.

We have had a good day today. My husband and me went with Dad for his radiotherapy today, and spent time talking to the specialist nurses in our oncology department, who were so helpful.

I am sad most of the time but at least have had today with few tears. Not promising the same for tomorrow though.

Does anyone else have this awful heavy feeling of dread in the pit of their stomach, which if nothing else, is good for the diet!

Thank you for your comments, they are so appreciated.

xxx
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knicnic over 12 years ago

Hi Jo I know exactly how you are feeling. This week we found out my dads lung cancer is inoperable due to its size and location so the are going to try aggressive chemo to shrink it if it works then surgery will be to remove his left lung. Well that's just about bearable news but we now know it has spread to 2 lymph nodes and he had a pet scan Tuesday to see if it's spread anywhere else....... I have that feeling of heavy dread in the pit of my tummy and weighing hard on my heart...... If this cancer has spread then any hope we had would quickly be diminished. I like you can't and don't want to face the thought of losing my daddy my heart is breaking. I hope today is a better day for you xxx
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