Recently I've found myself in a difficult place- 'Difficult' in the looses sense of the word.
The ' unaffected by cancer difficult'.
I'm job searching and I have a few money worries, like not paying my phone bill on time and having to ask my mum for money. Having the odd arargument with my boyfriend about who's doing the food shopping!
This 'difficult', however, always has an edge.
The 'i have been affected by cancer difficult'.
The day to day struggles have been heightened by the fact that I can't pick up my overdue phone and talk to you. Ask you how you are, ask how chemo went, ask how you're coping. Make my 'difficults' seem like nothing.
I miss you and feel like I don't get to talk about you enough anymore. Share your memory and keep you alive.
It's hard, not everyone wants to listen, not everyone wants their shoulder being cried on. So I'm writing this, because one person may read it, or 1, 000 may read it, or nobody may read it at all. But whoever does will know just how much I love you. How much I miss you ans how much I struggle without you.
Everything I do I look back and think, did I make him proud?
I'll continue with my day to day difficults, knowing you're by my sid, looking over me and keeping me strong. You listen to me and you've always lent me a shoulder to cry one.
I hope you're sleeping tight daddy.
XXxxx
