Hi all,
My Dad sadly lost his fight with cancer. Sadly a funny word as he was in so much pain it's a relief he doesn't have to fight that now but still so sad he's so young and we all miss him terribly. have found it hard to write anything as I haven't really come to terms with it all yet.
On that day 18/01/12, the day after my Mums Birthday (Dad and Mum divorced 25 years ago) I felt very run down and poorly and we were told as he's young he could be fighting for days so rested in bed, waiting for updates. Got a call saying to come, 10mins into the journey by taxi and I was told it was too late. Hardest journey in my life.
When I got there I went in and saw my Dad and it was a very surreal feeling. Think shock was definitley there. A couple of days before I had seen him. What turned out being the last day seeing him and the last thing he said to me was "shuuush" because I was talking too loud. That hurt after but I know he was part joking still as I'm a loud person, always been an exitable character. Just was very worried I'd upset him for some time. He ushered my sisters out when the time came but they raced back in when my Step Mum panicked. It was very traumatic for them to see and not what they had imagined or had been told would be likely to happen so the grieving process has been a very bitter and angry process for the 3 of them. One of my sisters has now a very negative view on life and people and the other is reclusing. I'm the baby sister and trying to keep strong but it's very hard.
I just wanted to write this really to let people know that although I have lost my Dad, I made sure he knew I loved him. Talked about the old times and comforted him when he needed us all and life is about making memories. He made sure selflessly that things weren't left unsaid or undone to make it easier on us all.
Arguments in daily life, ignorance, hate are all things you see queuing up at the post office or petit problems that people could so easily sort out which my dad couldn't. Sadly me and Dad lost touch for 4/5years until he was diagnosed. A time I was a very lost girl and mentally ill and honestly if I could turn back time I'd've changed things but people please don't bury your heads in the sand. Life is so precious as we all know and I am now regularily seeing my step mum and brother again and Dad has inspired me to try and fight my mental problems and made me realise how life is precious.
I'm still in denial. It's only been 3 months tomorrow and having not seen him for many years it just feels like I'm just not seeing him but I try to get by. Just honestly thinking of you all. Just so sad that nice people in this world are being so greatly affected by Cancer and still people have no respect for what they have. I just wish you all love and hope and just look after yourselves the best you can. This site is a great support as sometimes talking to people who have no idea is tough and people here can relate.
If anyone wants any help or advice please message me. Dad fought for 8months and I saw his journey and the outcome so if I can help it would feel like Dad not only inspired those close to him but to other people who are suffering. Dad was a very giving and caring man and even when he was ill, had a lot of compassion for sufferers, their families and friends and the nursez who work so hard making his last moments as comfortable as they could.
Lots of love all,
Claire, xxx
