the journey

2 minute read time.

my amazing dad has been battling cancer for nearly 2 years now(wish i had found this site then)i thought i would write a diary /blog of how his treatment is going. it all began back in april 2009 when a urine infection showed up a tumour on his right kidney.he was whisked in to hospital to have the kidney removed within a week and the op was a success.he felt great after the op and back to normal within days so it came as a great shock to us all at his 3 month check up that the cancer had returned.they found small nodules on his lungs and tumours in the bone(hip and bottom of back) by the start of october dad had been given the cancer drug sutent.the side effects he felt made him lose weight all his hair went snowy white,had no taste for food and nausea. the nausea was controlled with different drugs.one of the good things about this treatment was you got a 2 week break in each cycle so on his 2 weeks off his appetite returned and he started to feel better. the sutent meds kept him ticking away for 14 months.we got the news end of nov begining of dec 2010 that a tumour in the spine had grown from 7cm to 18cm so the sutent was not keeping the cancer at bay so he was removed from it. this came as a huge blow to mum,dad myself and brother as who knew what the next step would be. he suffered with pains in his legs and a scan showed a non malignant tumour compressing the spine making the legs painful so he had 2 lots of radiotherapy which def helped and shrunk the tumour.dad was told of a new drug that they wanted him to trial.sadly he was not suitable for the trial due to blood counts etc but was told there was a fairly new cancer drug called everolimus(afinitor) they wanted him to try. this however would need funding.the price was very high but like the sutent(which needed funding we were optomistic.the news back 2 weeks later was no PCT had turned us down but dads consultant had applied to another company and they said yes.dad has been on the new treatment 10 days now.the main side effect of this is such a sore swollen mouth with ulcers which stops his ability to eat and drink.he does seem quite out of it at the moment so we are contacting mcmillan nurses and his cancer nurse.

7th march 2011

dad has been admitted to hospital.for the last 4 days or so he has been quite out of it.he is very dissorientated ,grabbing for things that are not there,hallucinations,sleeping 22 hours a day.we have spoken to a nurse and she seems to think it could be to do with his type 2 diabetes as he had a urine reading of 27.8(very high) we were told to take dad to his cancer ward at the hospital where it seems it is not the diabetes but a build up of morphine pain relief(mum did stop giving him this 2 days ago as pain was ok and because he seemed so out of it)they have kept dad in for at least overnite and the morphine has been stopped. they have also stopped the cancer drug for now as his poor mouth is so sore so they want to try an get him back to better health before restarting the drug again. i will update when i have more news.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    NOV 7th 2011

    well its been nearly 2 weeks since my bladder op and all seems ok...was terrifed of the anesthetic but all in all was not a bad feeling,chatting away and then wham asleep..was in a bit of pain when i woke but that only lasted a few days.family certainly took the mickey out of the way i was walking especially the hubby but in truth i did look like a bloody baboon ..

    have had to take 2 weeks off work and ive been going stir crazy now...feel perfectly normal again but know i cant lift things do hoovering etc so quite frustrating.have done plenty of jigsaws and found i really enjoy them..as for day time tv that sucks.good job i have sky planner to watch things

    charlie has a new job and is loving it and after a week had a promotion as they were so pleased with her.we are all very proud of her and know my dad would be so proud too

    today is my son josh birthday he is 14 today and is an amazing lad..towers over me and built like brick out house so not my little boy so much these days. mum is coming over later with a huge spag bol and we have lots of birthday cake. he has asked if we can go to the cemetary to see dad later so when he is home from school we will go over and lay some flowers down.

    im really missing my dad, its been nearly six months and im sure people around u (unless they have been through this) think that we should all be ok now...let me tell u. i will never be ok as my life has totally changed...yes i have good days,some really good and i laugh and joke and carry on and live but not a day passes when i dont think of dad or shed a tear ,usually both. i am seeing a medium in dec and im hoping my dad will come through. i have had a few signs that my dad is still around but am very nervous but also excited is not the word but happy to see tom the medium and i hope to hear from my dad or other loved ones.i know many think its all mumbo jumbo but its something i feel strongly about and everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.

    im still finding it hard to fathom out this new site and find my firnds and their posts on here..maybe thats what i should have done these past 2 weeks!!!

    love to u all

    wendie xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    JAN 19th 2012

    its been 2 months since i have written on my blog...not a day passes that i dont miss my dad and i shed a tear daily...so much has happened in the last few months.  dad would have been 70 on 1st dec 2011 so this was a difficult day.the first birthday without him. me an mum went to the grave ...i have a real fear being there...i totally believe my dad is not there and his spirit has moved on but i still cant help but look at the ground and know his body is there and it freaks me out. i so wish i didnt feel like this and i would go more often... the day of dads birthday was difficult but i coped...it was the day after that it broke me,totally out of the blue and very unexpected and i felt low for a few days after but i true twizz fashion i picked myself up,dusted self down and started again..after all we had xmas to plan and get through,,,we did have a lovely family xmas. my mums brother is over from france staying with her and he has been fab. he cooked xmas dinner for us all witch took it off of mum so she could spend time with us all. me mum and sean went to see dad xmas morning and to b honest it was bloody awful.my precious dad loved xmas so much so how could we enjoy our 1st one without him. we all cried and said what we wanted to and then all aggreed dad would want us to be happy for all the kids sake and for us so thats what we tried to do...i did enjoy xmas but if im honest it was a bizzarre feeling like i wasnt there and this stranger had taken over me for xmas pushing me and making me enjoy it...new year was equally hard as we were all together again being brave staying strong for each other...i sometimes think i will go mad staying strong and being positive but maybe thats just me and the way im made 

    the new year is seeing some changes for the good.me and sean have bought a house down near the beach.i took mu to c it today and she loved it an agreed my dad would be so happy with the house etc...all we gotta do now is wait for everything to get moving ie solicitors etc and hopefully we will be on our way...i think its what we all need after the year we had last year

    i will try to get on here more often but find i have to just focus on my blog as reading other peoples stories and posts takes me right back to the begining with dad and im not ready for that yet so i do apologise and hope this does not come across as selfish which im sure it does but rest assured if anyone on here needs me or wants to chat i will 100% b there for them 

    till next time i blog...love to u all and stay well xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    APRIL 17th 2012

    it is getting longer between my blogs now.does this mean i am healing? not so sure about that but things do feel easier.i went an saw a medium in feb.im so into spiritual things etc and have been practicing massage for years and often get a bizzarre connection with  certain clients and have always held a strong belief in the afterlife. well what this man told me was incredible. i know many cynics if listening to my recording of this could rip it to pieces if they needed but to be honest the things he told me and knew about my family just blew me away. some things he said about dad i had to go and ask mum as i didnt know the answer and she was in total shock as nobody except her and dad knew these things.it has certainly given me more hope and i feel more at ease since my meeting and i know my darling dad is with me.

    we have all just come back from a big family holiday in cyprus.11 of us in total. very strange dad not being there but i felt he was there.when we arrived at our beautiful villa i went very tingly and as i opened a patio door on my birthday a white feather dropped to my feet so i am convinced it was a sign from my dad. now i am back home things are getting back to the usual hum drum of work,keeping house etc

    i have a reiki course booked for 2 weeks time and i cant wait to do this course. i kind of feel my dad has been pushing me towards this as i often mentioned i wanted to do this,then 1 day i had this strong feeling that my dad was telling me to do this so here i am embarking on a new challenge in life and i will keep u posted how it went.

    1 blight was finding out yesterday that someone on this site who i was friends with for well over a year has turned out to be fake and wasnt a cancer sufferer and had duped and lied to many people. i dont feel anger or pity to this young girl just empty and foolish for believing her but if anything i can learn from this but i would rather have spoken to 100 fake people on here than ignore everyone and lose 1  real person who needed my help

    love to all my lovely mac friends

    wendie xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    1 year has passed dad and words just cant explain how much we all love and miss you.the bravest,kindest,loving most inspirational man i am so proud to call my dad.xx

     

    you were always there for me and never once made me cry

    until the day you closed your eyes and had to say goodbye

     now you are my angel,so spread your wings out wide

    please wrap them around me when you see my cry

    our time together was memorable and god took you way too fast

    but the most precious thing to me was you being there for my first breath and me being there for your last.

     

    miss and love you so much dad xxxx