Yesterday was what I can only describe as “one of those days”. It started off fine. Husband wasn’t working so we had a nice lie in followed by an enjoyable potter round the shops. The sun was shining and the postman bought my copy of an eagerly awaited new tennis book that I had ordered. I managed not to fret at all about next Thursday when I will be undergoing a medical procedure that sounds suspiciously more like a party trick, camera swallowing. After lunch I decided that it was time to enjoy some more blissful quality time with my husband. So at 3pm we switched on the answerphone and contentedly settled down on the sofa to watch a prerecorded episode of Taggart. My husband bought along a glass of beer and some crisps. I had a towel, a jug of water, a syringe and a bottle of Fresubin nutritional supplement.
I should explain at this point that I have a feeding tube. Basically a bit of tube pokes out through a hole in my stomach. Liquid feed then goes down the tube either by use of a pump or a syringe. I did have a pump but it’s currently gathering dust in the corner as it doesn’t fit properly onto the attachment on my tube and I’m getting fed up with being soaked in feed. So I stick an empty syringe case down the tube and pour feed in that way. The official name for my tube is PEG. On certain days, like yesterday, I have another name for it which is not very polite.
It was during the first murder in Taggart when I realised that the tube had blocked. Usually a bit of enthusiastic tapping on the top of the syringe case sorts out the problem. No such luck today. Next thing to try is to quickly syringe some water down the tube. This firstly means removing the syringe case from the tube which is not an easy task when it is full of liquid. It is normally successfully achieved by tipping the contents into a shallow sided container. Unfortunately the only suitable item in our house is an old roasting tin which is currently otherwise occupied as I’ve just started a new jigsaw and I needed something to sort the pieces in. So a bowl was fetched and all I had to do was stand up and tip at the same time. Easy. Except I missed the bowl.
After a little bit of housework, a change of clothes and a fresh towel we were back on the sofa. Several syringes of water went through OK, so Taggart went back on and feeding recommenced. There then followed a few more pauses which I have to admit were all my fault. Firstly I dropped the top off my tube of lip balm and it rolled right under the sofa, just out of reach of a ruler. So we had to fetch a torch and a long piece of wood from the garage. Then my hearing aid battery ran out and had to be changed. This was then followed by me needing the toilet as my bladder was now full of water. We were doing OK though. Until the tube blocked up again.
I did manage to tip the feed out this time without making too much of a mess. Just ruined the towel this time. I then had to give the tube some more intensive attention which involves removing the clamp and the use of a mixture of biocarbonate of soda and warm water. It did the trick, Taggart was put back on and feeding resumed. Unfortunately I forgot to put the clamp back on. I won’t go into the gory details but without the clamp there is nothing to stop the contents of your stomach gushing out all over the place. Not a pleasant experience which meant I needed a shower and all the laundry had to be pre soaked in sanitizer before it went in the machine. Also not a good time to discover you have a hole in your rubber gloves. Taggart finally finished at 8pm. I am still a little confused as to the motive for the second and third murders. Perhaps I should try watching it again with this afternoon’s feed.
