We were supposed to be going on holiday today but we cancelled it a couple of months ago before we had to pay the balance. People said we should have paid the balance and seen how I was nearer the time, we always had the option to claim the money back on the insurance. However I knew that my medical records clearly show I was aware of the lump a good month before I booked the holiday. So I didn’t want to take the chance of them saying it’s not covered as it’s a pre-existing condition. It’s not just that, I think my husband and I were aware months ago that there was no way I would be fit enough to go. Maybe a different sort of holiday would have been OK, but we were planning to spend 2 weeks self catering in a static caravan a six hour drive from where we live, and going for long walks each day. So for now I am contenting myself with a 1000 piece jigsaw of Weymouth beach. Perhaps we’ll get a weekend away in a nice hotel near where we live when I am feeling better.
I really don’t mind not going on holiday. The Dorset coast will always be there and one day I’ll be well enough to go. I just feel sorry for my husband. He’s not had a break this year and this is yet another in a long list of things we have had to cancel. We were supposed to be going away for our Wedding Anniversary in May, and for his birthday in June. We’ve not been able to travel to visit his family all year. Then there’s all the social events we’ve had to cancel.
It’s now coming up to that time of year when the invitations start arriving for get-togethers over Christmas and the New Year. I really don’t want to commit to anything at the moment. I’m not sure I’m going to be eating normally by then and the idea of a 3 course set meal in a restaurant feels a bit daunting at present. But of course you need to book early and pay deposits for these sort of things, so I think we’ll be turning all invitations down. Especially the ones that involve banquets at my favourite Indian and Chinese restaurants. I remember that after my operation to remove my tonsils and do the biopsy that I couldn’t eat rice for weeks. I think after the year we’ve had that I’ll be quite happy spending New Year’s Eve in my pyjamas sitting on the sofa with my wonderful husband. Perhaps I’ll be well enough for a glass of wine!
I think I’m progressing OK. The hospital and my feeding tube nurse said that I’m doing better at this stage of my recovery than most people. But our families, friends, and my employer seem to think that I should be getting better more quickly. I suppose the problem is that they don’t have any experience of my type of cancer so they have nothing relevant to compare it with. So they are trying to compare my head and neck cancer with other types of cancer that people seem to get over more quickly, or with someone recuperating from an operation, and it’s not the same thing.
The positives are that I have a lot less gunk in my mouth, just a little bit of mucus in the mornings. Now that I am allowed to use all my dental products again my mouth is feeling much better, just the dryness to cope with. I am less tired and I am sleeping better. No naps required now. I am certainly getting fitter. The first time I got back on my exercise bike it was agony, I struggled to do a mile and was nearly in tears when I got off. Within a week I was comfortably doing 5 miles a day. I’m also really pleased with my left shoulder and arm. I had limited mobility in the shoulder and the arm was so weak I couldn’t pick anything up with it. I can now lift my dumbbells and I’ve got enough mobility back in the shoulder that I think I could swim and play tennis again. I am very pleased to report that my hair has finally stopped falling out. The first patch that fell out around the neckline has started to grow back well.
However I still have the hearing loss and I still can’t speak properly. I’m managing to sip drinks and eat things like ice cream, yogurt and alphabetti spaghetti, but I’m a long way off eating a proper meal. I also have a lot of puffiness under the chin which isn’t reducing. Once all these things are sorted I think my recovery will start to speed up. My husband keeps saying he wants his wife back. He says it’s like someone has switched a light off inside me. I tell him I’m in there somewhere, can’t he see just a little bit of light? He looks me up and down and says well I suppose you are a bit dim!
