I've been spending some time at the GP Surgery recently. More of my care is being passed from the hospital team to my GP in readiness for my discharge next summer when my 5 years of recovery will finally be completed. I began to wish I hadn't gone near the surgery. They have been finding all sorts of delights for me which usually involve needles or some other unpleasantness. When they were going through my records they asked if I'd ever had the counselling that I'd been on the waiting list for. I said no and they asked if I still wanted to go. I said yes please and a few weeks later I was sent for my first session.
Let's just say it was unfortunately not a success. It's a shame because I'd really been looking forward to it and thought it was going to be very helpful. I usually get on well with new people I meet, but something didn't click this time. I was asked how I felt about the cancer and I replied that I was looking forward to my 5 years being up and being discharged. I was then asked about why the 5 years was so important and I explained that it would mean I could draw a line under it all and walk away.
I was then questioned about what the words walk away meant to me. My immediate reaction was that it's a fine song by the late great Matt Monro. More questioning followed and I could feel my mind begin to wander. I managed to think of eleven other songs where the words walk away appear in the title, or express the sentiment of the lyrics. They'll make a great playlist, I must sort that out some time.
After further conversation I started thinking that I don't remember being so bored and misunderstood since I was a teenager. I was vividly reminded of my schooldays when I was finding the last few months of my 5 years at secondary school to be a slog. One day I decided I'd had enough of school so I got up and walked out. As with any momentous day in my life I've never forgotten the music that accompanied it. I happily walked away from the school with my little transistor radio pressed to my ear. One of the songs was Matt Monro singing Born Free.
So all these years later I did exactly the same thing. I got up and walked out. I've decided I've had enough of being a cancer patient and I'm not waiting for the 5 years to be up. I'm walking away from it all now. I came home and switched on the radio and a few songs later I was delighted to hear the unforgettable voice of Matt Monro. It left me with absolutely no doubt that I've made the right decision.
