I think one of my good points is that I can sometimes give sensible and useful advice. One of my many bad points is that I give this advice to others, but I never ever listen to it myself. For example someone may confide that they have some little medical problem like a lump or unexplained bleeding. They don't want to go to a GP. So I will tell them it's probably nothing to worry about, but why not pop to the GP and put your mind at rest? If necessary I will accompany the reluctant patient and wait outside the door, to make sure they really did go like they promised me they would.
So what do I do for myself? Well I avoid a visit to a GP unless absolutely essential. I use an Internet Doctor. In America. Have done for years. And yes I know this is very wrong. And if anyone is reading this entry, please take my advice and never, never, go down this road. I have been severely reprimanded by my GP in the past for my delayed visit to the surgery due to days of intensive internet consultations, research, and self diagnosis. Especially the time I thought I had broken a bone in my foot.
It's Friday morning. Another worrying development. I am now foaming and frothing at the mouth! I am a very bad person as I am already on the internet, and I am midway through a consultation on that site I promised never to visit ever again. It is not going well. The Doctor is confused. He is asking me strange questions. Have I recently been abroad? Have I been bitten by a wild animal? Have I been foraging for wild mushrooms? Have I got weedkiller on my skin? He is clearly concerned for me but he hasn't suggested yet that I phone a real Doctor, although he seems to be suspicious that I may have been poisoned. This is why such sites are so dangerous. He's probably not even a real Doctor, I think he may just be a software programme, as the questions are now stuck in a loop.
Fortunately I am rescued from this stupidity by the early arrival of my feeding tube nurse. I am very pleased to see her. Sometimes you just need the reassurance of someone who you know and trust. My husband is definitely in need of her wise words too. She says every single thing that is happening to me is normal and expected, including the foaming. I am doing OK. I have to be realistic, I am unlikely to be back at work, eating in restaurants, or going to aerobics classes this year. However by Christmas I should be going for short walks, eating some solid food, and beginning to feel a lot like my old self, although I am unlikely to be rid of the feeding tube. And it will probably have been replaced by then.
But today this finally sounds all OK to me. I can visualise me sitting round the table with my family on Christmas Day, and taking a little stroll afterwards, just like we did last year. Everything will be the same, except that apparently when we settle down to watch Doctor Who on TV, there will be a new Doctor. I'm pleased about this. The current one is far too young. To me there will never be a Doctor like Patrick Troughton, but I'm suddenly keen to see how Peter Capaldi does. It's good to have something to look forward to.
I feel so positive that I remove a certain website from the favourites on the computer. Unfortunately I still remember the address. And I forgot to ask the nurse all those questions about my menopause. But I am going to resist temptation, and I promise this now in writing so that I can't go back on my word. I am never ever going to visit the Internet Doctor again.
