It's the week before I go into hospital for my neck dissection operation and I am very busy getting everything organised at home, at work, and for my parents. There are lists, planners, spreadsheets, schedules all over the place. There is shopping to do, I've been told to go to the dentist, I'm going to the hairdresser to get something done about my high maintenance hair style. My time is worked out down to the last hour.
And then the hospital ring and mess up my plans. I am now going into hospital 2 days earlier, on Monday 8th April 2013, for the installation of a feeding tube! There had been some mention of a feeding tube when I was given my diagnosis, but there was so much going on that I didn't really take it all in. I just assumed it would be put in as part of my neck dissection. But I'm now being told that the tube has to go in under local anaesthetic as I have to be awake to swallow something. A dietician from the hospital is coming round to explain it all properly. That will take up most of an afternoon. My schedule is completely ruined!
So I try to redo the schedule. It is hopeless, I have not got enough time. I realise that I have to be selfish and put my health first. So I allocate time for the vital stuff and just let everything else go. If I'd been rushed into hospital unexpectedly then it wouldn't have got done so it's not going to get done now!
I contact a friend who had a feeding tube when she had anorexia and she is a great help. I know the circumstances are different but it sounds as if she had a very similar tube installed the same way. She is very reassuring, answers all my questions, and speaks so positively about her tube. She thinks it saved her life. She has poor health and explains that her heart weakness, kidney problems and dental problems are all a result of weight loss.
So when the dietician arrives I am able to tell her that I am almost looking forward to having my tube. I know I need all my strength to fight my cancer and I've calculated that I'd only have to lose a couple of stone to be the weight my friend was, and this frightens me very much. We have a long chat, she explains everything and shows me what a tube looks like. It's all a lot more complicated that I thought but I'm quite happy when she leaves.
