I feel I am getting tantalising near to the end of my recovery. However there are days when I feel like the bear in the Candy Crush Soda game. I am trapped in that little bubble and I am trying so hard to float up triumphantly above the string, to break free and soar majestically away to get on with my life.
I tried to explain this to my Mindfulness coach but we didn’t get too far as he has never played Candy Crush and therefore has no idea at all what I am going on about. So I was encouraged to try to explain it in a simpler way. So I said that I badly want to get away from all thoughts of cancer but I feel I am being hampered because of the long term side effects of my treatment. They are with me every day and they are a constant reminder. Most days I’m fine about it but some days it really gets me down and I don’t see an end to it.
My Mindfulness coach knows nothing at all about cancer. This is because of my specific request to have someone helping me who could regard me as “me” and not as a cancer survivor. This does cause problems though as he is of the opinion that I should be grateful to be successfully treated and therefore be having the time of my life. He does not understand at all how difficult it is to emotionally recover from having cancer and I struggle to explain it to him. Sometimes though it takes an outsider to spot the obvious. He has remarked that the so called long term side effects shouldn’t be called that because they are permanent. So we are now working to try to deal with them in a more constructive way.
The plan is that my daily physio exercises are not to be thought of as a chore any more. In future they will be accompanied by my favourite music and I will look forward to doing them. The nightly gelling and spraying of my mouth will be considered a small part of my body moisturising and pampering beauty regime. My enforced lengthy daily dental hygiene routine shouldn’t be a problem as everyone has to clean their teeth. Lastly my afternoon snack, which I usually have to force down, is to be renamed the afternoon treat. It is to be shared with my husband and is to be part of an enjoyable activity.
When these solutions were put to me my immediate reaction was mission impossible. Mindfulness coach replied please don’t be disheartened because we can conquer this challenge together. I then had to explain that I meant that watching “Mission Impossible” would be an enjoyable experience that I could enjoy with my husband. Mindfulness coach was baffled by this, apparently he shares my opinion that the Tom Cruise film was **** and should never have been made. I presume Mindfulness coach is much younger than me as I had to then explain that “Mission Impossible” is a smashing 1960s TV series starring Barbara Bain and Martin Landau. Mindfulness coach goes off to explore YouTube and comes back and tells me that he is in love with Cinammon Carter and he’s going to have to watch all 171 episodes. I responded that Barbara Bain was pretty good in Space 1999 too, so that’s also worth a watch.
Mindfulness coach says that it is entirely my fault that he is now going to have to waste many hours watching retro TV. I had to remind him of one of our Mindfulness quotes which says that time spent doing something enjoyable is never time wasted. He replied with some rude words which definitely have nothing at all to do with Mindfulness. I don’t think I had better repeat them or I’ll be in a lot of trouble with Admin.
