A small triumph this morning. My husband weighed me this morning, as he usually does on a Saturday morning, and I had put on a pound! This may sound insignificent to a lot of you, or perhaps even a mini disaster. But I have been struggling with weight loss and this is my first gain in many weeks. I felt quite proud as it was recorded onto the record chart.
I am still very tired but I managed to catch up on quite a few emails today. All the time I have been travelling to the hospital there has been no time to keep in touch with friends properly. So it's lovely to catch up.
Unfortunately quite a few friends seem unable to carry on with the light hearted chat that we used to have before. It all sounds so serious now. I suspect I know what they may be thinking. They don't want to chat about beauty products as they know I have a neck like a turkey and my rapidly thinning hair looks like I don't know what. They don't want to talk about restaurants, concerts or holidays as they know I can't do these things at the moment. Perhaps they think the usual trivial moans and gossip are inappropriate. But I want to do all this normal stuff. I will have to encourage them again. There's nothing like some girlie chatter to lift the mood.
Somehow I think the answer lies with tennis again. I enjoy tennis and I spend quite a bit of time on tennis forums. Unfortunately there has been hardly anyone about for the last few weeks since the excitement of Wimbledon died down. But the US hard court season starts this weekend so a lot of old friends have suddenly come flooding back to the sites. I am so excited. I doubt I will watch much tennis, my early nights aren't compatible with the time difference unfortunately. But the forums give me a very welcome break from the cancer. The disease seems to have somehow completely taken over my life. I need a place to go where nobody knows I have cancer, and I can escape for a few hours and chat about normal stuff like whether Federer was right to change his racket weight.
My only concern now is what on earth am I going to do if Murray gets to the US Open Final at the beginning of September? I could not miss the match, but last year it meant sitting up till 3am in the morning. At the moment I seriously doubt my ability to sit through a long match without falling asleep. I suppose I will have to worry about that if and when the time comes.
