OK I know I said I wasn't doing this blog again as it was too gloomy etc. Well I have changed my mind. I am fed up of being cheerful and postive. I am now Mrs Fed Up and Grumpy, and I am rapidly realising that my recovery is going to be the worst bit of the journey so far. To make it worse nobody apart from my wonderful husband seems to grasp this fact. They all think I need a few days rest and I will be back to normal. If only.
The treatment itself hasn't been too bad. I didn't get many side effects until I was well into the 5th week of radiotherapy. Then I got the dreaded radiation burns and all the horrible gunk and mucus in the mouth. Up to this point I was still managing to drink OK and to eat things like ice cream. Now I can't even swallow properly, so I am completely dependant on my feeding tube for all my food and most of my liquid.
The worst thing has been the travelling to the hospital. I hate this hot weather so being stuck in a stuffy car for hours has not helped. The traffic has been getting worse and worse, and most of the drivers now seem to have gone on holiday. The computer has also been putting me in cars with an increasing bizzare collection of travelling companions. Usually they live miles away from me, and are going to a different part of the hospital at a earlier time, and often they have no fixed time of return. So I can be travelling and waiting for 6 hours a day just to get fried in Radiotherapy for 10 mins. Yes I know I have seen some beautiful countryside and met some lovely people, but I have had enough of all that now.
On Monday I got the dreaded boneshaker - Ambulance Transport - arrive for me. I had been warned about this, and as advised I chose a seat in the front. I will never complain about the transport cars again, they are luxury compared to this. To make things worse the Ambulance arrived for me again on Wednesday for my last day. And there was no space in the front so I was crammed into the back with the stretcher and wheelchair patients. I don't think my back will ever recover. We were just leaving to come home when they stuffed an extra passenger in, which meant another 40 miles on the journey.
Yes I know I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, and that there is always someone worse off than you. I will try to be more postive tomorrow.
