I’m told that when you are making the slow journey down the road to recovery that you shouldn’t keep looking back. I think it helps to sometimes. We are recently back from a holiday at the same place we went to last year. So this has been a good opportunity to compare my progress. Sometime progress seems so slow that I don’t see it happening. However I can now see that I am a lot fitter that I was last year. I can walk much further, I have put on weight, and I go to bed later. My eating is much improved. I can eat a wider variety of food and I need less water to wash it down with.
It’s not always good to look back though. I had to go to the hospital where I had my treatment recently to visit someone. I hadn’t been there for over a year as I have my check-ups at a different hospital now. I wasn’t bothered about the thought of going back as the place I had my treatment became like a second home and I like the feelings of familiarity. But when we got there it was a horrible feeling. It bought back really unpleasant memories which I’d forgotten all about. I became upset and the experience unsettled me for many days afterwards.
Life has been busy this year so far, mainly family and work stuff. So I’ve not had much time to spend visiting the Macmillan community, my local support group and my Mindfulness class. I’ve always been so grateful for all the support I received from these places so I like to give some time back to help others when I can. So I was pleased when things got less hectic recently and my first visit was to my local group.
It was a strange experience though. I’ve always felt very comfortable there but this time it was different. I didn’t feel I wanted to be there or that I belonged anymore. I was also shocked to discover that in the few months I’d been away that I had forgotten so much. Someone asked me how many weeks radiotherapy I’d had and I couldn’t even remember.
I used to think I was benefiting from being close to a support network but I’m now thinking I need to put some space there. It feels the right time to concentrate on the road ahead with no more looking back. I told my Consultant that I am getting weary with how long my recovery is taking and he told me to read Aesop’s Fable of The Hare and The Tortoise. It was a good read and I wish I’d read it before I ploughed my way through goodness knows how many self help books! I have decided there is nothing wrong with slow and steady and there are times when it’s good to be a tortoise.
