Mum and Dad are finally starting to settle at the Care Home. I think I have got over my feelings of guilt. Instead I find myself upset at their rapid physical and mental deterioration. I've not had too much time to think about it though. I put their property on the market expecting it not to sell for months. To my amazement it sold within hours and I now have the job of getting it cleared as soon as possible. I found this task a bit daunting to start with, but a friend made the very helpful suggestion of dealing with it one little step at a time. Very similar to how I dealt with my cancer treatment I suppose.
There have been a few unexpected consequences of all this activity. Firstly I have lost weight so my husband keeps trying to find fattening treats to tempt my appetite. Secondly I have become so much fitter. I've been able to lift increasingly heavier boxes as the days have gone by. I reckon I am probably back to the fitness levels I had before my treatment which I would never have thought possible. Best of all is that my mind has been so full of all the practicalities of what I have to get done that I actually forgot for quite a while that I'd ever had cancer.
Christmas is going to feel different this year. Part of me is looking forward to the opportunity to spend some quiet time alone with my husband. He's been so supportive all through my cancer, and now with helping me with Mum and Dad. I remember Christmas 2013 when I'd only just had my feeding tube removed. Now that life is finally almost back to normal I feel I want Christmas to be special, a celebration of getting near the end of my cancer journey. However I know I'm going to be very sad about Mum and Dad's circumstances and remembering them in happier times.
It's approaching that time of year when the Christmas tree comes out of the loft. I should really get a new tree. I bought this one many years ago when we had a big lounge with a high ceiling. It's far too big for where we live now so the fairy's wand hits the ceiling. There are too many memories wrapped up in the tree though, and in all the decorations I have collected for it over the years. Some of the decorations belonged to my grandparents so they remind me of childhood times. Others are gifts from friends, some who are sadly no longer here, so there are some bittersweet memories there. Then there are decorations I have bought myself. I used to travel round America and Canada and I love the wonderful decoration shops they have there. Friends would buy the usual holiday souvenirs but I always picked a decoration for my tree. My favourite is a miniature cable car from San Francisco.
My regular readers will know I often like to finish my entries with a piece of music. It's a sad one today as it has to be “I Believe In Father Christmas” in memory of Greg Lake, who has left us far too soon. I also remember a dear friend who I lost recently. He loved King Crimson. I have happy memories of us listening to “In The Court Of The Crimson King” after school one day. We were crammed into a bedroom listening with about ten other kids, and we thought we were being very grown up as we'd got hold of some joss sticks. Unfortunately whilst trying to light them we accidentally burnt a hole in the candlewick bedspread.
