Mum and Dad have moved into a Care Home and I'm feeling pretty guilty about this. I'd always promised that I'd look after them so it feels now as if I have let them down. I can't helping feeling that if I hadn't had cancer that I would have made a much better job of looking after them and this move wouldn't have had to happen. Even though I have recovered well I don't have quite the energy that I used to have, and I certainly don't have the mental strength. I lose patience more easily now and I have low tolerance for anything that I consider trivial.
I have been assured by several medical professionals that my parents are now in a better place, and that the move was inevitable. They say it is all to do with my parents becoming more frail and that it has nothing at all to do with my cancer. I do hope they are right and not just trying to make me feel better.
Friends are being very kind. They keep saying they know how I must be feeling, but I don't think they do. You see I don't just feel guilty that I haven't done a very good job of caring for Mum and Dad. I also feel extremely guilty that I'm so relieved that I don't have the worry and responsibility of their care any longer. I feel that a huge burden has been lifted and I'm looking forward to getting more time to myself.
I know a couple of friends are surprised at the speed with which I have already started making plans. I have tried to explain that after having cancer that I appreciate life much more. I told them that I want to get the most out of each day and grab every opportunity that I can. I don't think they understood at all and I suspect they just think I'm being selfish. Well perhaps I am but I firmly believe that after anyone has gone through the hell of cancer treatment that they deserve to have the very best life possible afterwards.
