I went for my blood test today. I was determined that I was going to be brave this time but things didn’t go to plan. It didn’t help that I was told 4 weeks ago that I needed this test but I couldn’t get an appointment before today. So I’ve been fretting about it for a while.
The patient before me didn’t turn up so I got to go straight in, which I was very pleased about as I usually get jittery in the waiting room. It all started to go wrong when they said they were training someone and would it be OK if she did my blood test. I got anxious and I then felt very mean when I said no. I have always tried to be co-operative because I understand everyone has to learn. In the past I have happily been examined by a variety of medical students. I have let trainee radiographers practice take my mask on and off and do measurements. I even let someone have a go at doing the dreaded camera up the nose activity. But a line has to be drawn and there is absolutely no way someone is practising putting a needle in me.
They were fine when I said no. It was mutually agreed that the trainee would stay and watch and that she could put the plaster on afterwards. What I hadn’t realised was that a gruesome running commentary would also be ongoing to explain the procedure to the trainee. I didn’t actually faint this time but I could feel myself getting a bit lightheaded and queasy as soon as I heard the word vein. I presume I must have gone a funny colour as my legs were swiftly elevated, and I wasn’t allowed to stand up until I’d had a rest. I was offered a cup of tea and a biscuit which was very kind of them but all I wanted was to go outside to my husband and get a hug.
This is not the first time I have ended up feeling foolish because I was always passing out in blood donor sessions. It was quite a relief when they finally banned me from going. I think the worst bit about cancer treatment has been the blood test and cannulas. I hated it in the chemotherapy ward as I couldn’t bear seeing other people get their cannulas put in either. I wish I could get over my squeamishness about blood and needles. It’s nothing compared to what other people have to go through and I get cross with myself not being braver.
I am now doing another course. I am learning Mindfulness. I am supposed to be letting go of unpleasant memories in the past, enjoying each day, and not worrying about the future. I don’t think I’ve quite got the hang of it yet but it’s been fun so far. I particularly enjoyed the bit where we learnt to reconnect with our inner child which involved hopscotch, skipping ropes, sandcastles and a kite.
