So on Wednesday 6th Feb 2013 my husband and I set off for the long trip to the hospital. Its 42 miles and takes us about an hour and a half. Get called in to see a very cheerful Consultant who specialises in Maxillo Facial Surgery. Presume he is the sort of person who will remove the lump. He takes down my details, I tell him that I am fit and healthy, I take a lot of exercise and eat correctly. I don't need any medication. I don't smoke, I don't drink much. There is no history of cancer in the family. I feel very well, my weight is steady, my appetite is fine and I have no pain anywhere or any trouble eating or swallowing. No headaches, no ear ache, no dental problems etc etc etc.
The consultant then sticks some sort of wire up my nose, not a pleasant experience. It has got a camera attached and he is looking at a screen. Doesn't seem to be a problem there. I then get sent off to another part of the hospital. They are going to look at the lump with an ultrasound and then stick a needle in it and draw out some of the contents. So off I go. It takes a couple of hours, there is a fair bit of waiting around including waiting for the results from the lab at at the end. It's not too uncomfortable a procedure. We go back to the clinic and hand in the lab report.
We are then called back into see the Consultant and my husband and I immediately know that something is very wrong. The previous jovial Consultant has a very serious face on and so does the nurse who was previously laughing and joking. The Consultant says there is no easy way to say this so he'll just say it, he is very sorry but he thinks I probably have cancer. I just sit there in stunned silence. I feel completely numb. I look across at my husband, he looks like he is feeling the same. The Consultant then starts to try to explain things. I am encouraged to take my time and ask as many questions as I like. I find it hard to take in. I manage to understand that the lump seems to contain cancer cells which are highly suspicious of being in a secondary state. This means they have already travelled from somewhere else in my body. I ask from where? The Consultant does not know. He suspects somewhere in my mouth or throat. I ask if they have gone on anywhere else. He says hopefully not but again he doesn't know.
I ask when I will definitely know. He says unfortunately not for 4-6 weeks. I ask what will happen next. He explains that I will have a CT Scan in the next week or two. I will also have to have an examination under general anaesthetic. This will be a day procedure as it won't involve any stitches. It is just for collecting cells for biopsy from all around my mouth and throat to look for cancer. They will also take more cells from out of the lump and from around it. He says he is going to refer me to another Consultant, who I briefly met earlier, as this is more his speciality. The new Consultant divides his time between this hospital and another one nearer me, and I will be able to have the CT Scan and the investigation done there. However I will need to travel back to this hospital for cancer treatment.
By this time my head is spinning and I can't take anymore in. I say I just want to go home now please, and off we go. We drive home in almost silence. When we get home I feel physically and emotionally exhausted. I tell my husband that I can't deal with this now, and I settle down on the sofa for a nap. My last thought before I drift off to sleep is that I can't believe how my life has changed so quickly. This time last week I hadn't even rung the Doctor and a week later I'm being told that I probably have cancer. I realise that my life is never going to be the same again.
