Ever since I was diagnosed I’ve been trying to just take one day at a time. That’s probably been the best thing to do so far, but recently I’ve been questioning if it’s the right tactic for me anymore. I’m getting to the stage now where I want to start making plans again and have things to look forward to.
So the first thing I did was to book a holiday for this summer. We haven’t been away since 2012. We had to cancel the holiday we had booked for 2013 as I wasn’t well enough to go. I was well enough last year, but I couldn’t manage to make any plans so we ended up going nowhere.
Something else that I think has helped me is that when I went for my last check up I was asked if I’d like my care transferred to a hospital nearer my home. A few weeks ago I’d have said I couldn’t face losing the security of familiar faces and surroundings. But now I feel differently and I’m very keen to move on. It’ll feel like a good step away from all the memories associated with that hospital.
I’m also taking the opportunity to change my job. It’s never felt completely right as it was a position created to fit in with my changed circumstances after the cancer. I’m now moving onto a new role which I’ve been given because of ability instead of necessity.
More news! I’ve passed the first of my Mindfulness teaching courses and I’ll be getting my first batch of pupils soon. A few weeks ago I’d have been terrified at the prospect but now I’m looking forward to the challenge. I’ll be guiding them through their first two assignments. They are the easier ones, all about sharing good memories and finding something enjoyable to do each day. Hopefully it will be a lot of fun.
When I was previously struggling to get over what has happened to me someone lent me a self help book. I can’t remember the title of it but there was a chapter in there which really resonated with me. The gist of it was that life isn’t always fair and sometimes we just have to accept that life can be **** and it’s our turn to draw the short straw. It was suggested that we compile a list of all the times in life when we didn’t draw the short straw. Mine was a long list and I think that helped me accept my situation and come to terms with it. When I talked to people about my cancer I’d often shrug and say it was my turn for the short straw.
I’m feeling really good today. The sun has been shining and I’ve been out for a lovely walk with a friend who I wouldn’t have met if I hadn’t had cancer. Life feels full of optimism and opportunity. I’m beginning to think that I never drew that short straw at all.
