Well here is is, my big day. We get to the hospital early and I am pleased to see when we walk into the clinic that my Consultant is there. He spots us walking in and within a couple of minutes we are in his office. I am sure I look completely petrified by this point. He doesn't even say hello, he just says It's cancer but it's very treatable. I am so relieved to hear the words treatable, and all the worry of the last few days disappears. He says do I want a minute alone with my husband. I say no, I want to know all about my treatment.
There's a lot for me to take in now. He has found the primary cancer, it is at the base of the tongue. There isn't too much of it and he is happy that it isn't anywhere else in the mouth. The secondary tumour is the lump in my neck. That is going to be coming out. It is going to be a bigger operation than I expect, a big scar, chance of nerve damage etc. There also seems to be a problem with my lymph nodes so he will be cutting further down and having a look at them. I will be poorly afterwards, I will have a drip and a drain. There may be a blood transfusion. Then when I am recovered there will be my treatment.
My treatment will be 6 weeks of daily radiotherapy and 6 weeks of weekly chemotherapy. It is going to be very tough on me mentally and physically but he thinks I am up to it. If I want to beat the cancer then this is the best way. I am going to be off work at least 3-6 months from now. Yes hopefully this will solve the problem but no there is no guarantee. Yes the cancer may come back again and yes the treatment may not work first time and there may have to be more of it, and yes there is a chance that it might not work at all. But he thinks my chances are good. There are many patients attending this clinic who had similar cancer many years ago and made a good recovery.
I think I have taken in all I can for now and I express a desire to go home. But there is loads more to do and I suddenly start to appreciate the scale of the journey ahead. We have to sort out the paperwork for the operation and I have to do the preassessment with a nurse. I need a blood sample taken. I meet the oncologist who tells me more about the treatment, there is talk of swollen mouths, masks, feeding tubes etc. I meet a lovely Macmillan nurse and learn all about hospital transport, free prescriptions etc and get a load of pamphlets to read. I can ring her as much as I like.
It's hours before we finally get home. We are both tired but in good spirits. It's all sounding encouraging and positive to us. This was supposed to be a bad news day, but it seems more like good news to us. I settle down on the sofa with a glass of wine.
Then we realise that we have the daunting task ahead of telling our family and friends that I have cancer.
