I’ve been in a strange mood the last week. Difficult to describe really. I have been happy because Wimbledon has started and Andy Murray is playing so well. But I’ve been fed up at work. Perhaps it’s because I enjoyed having my break the week before. I usually like going to work because it takes my mind off the cancer. Last week it felt different.
I’m still missing J very much, I think his death is affecting me more than I realised. I was reading some tributes that some of his other friends wrote and someone has hit the nail on the head as to why we feel his loss so much. He always acted as if he didn’t have cancer and very importantly he treated the rest of us as if we didn’t have cancer either. That’s what I miss.
I had to have another argument with the hospital last week. They have put in a new appointments system in order to try to solve the constant problems with the old one. This one is worse. I have regular 8 weekly check ups and I was always given my next appointment before I left the building. Now they can only be issued 4 weeks in advance so I have to wait for them to come in the post. The one I am currently expecting didn’t turn up so I have had to make many phone calls chasing it up. After days of being told I was pending I finally got to the top of the pile and was given an appointment date 19 weeks after the previous check up. I explained to the lady that I have to be regularly monitored as I am in early stages of a cancer recovery but she was adamant. Computer says No.
So I had to kick up a fuss and finally I got through to a lovely lady with plenty of common sense and I am getting my 8 week appointment. It felt a mixture of anger and anxiety. Anger that I have to wrestle with the system, and anxiety because it’s bought up all the old fears about the cancer returning.
I was doing so well up to now wasn’t I? Fortunately one of my friends came to my rescue and persuaded me to apply for the Macmillan HOPE course. I got the email yesterday to say I am accepted and I start on July 7th. I’m looking forward to it. She says it helped her a lot so I’m hoping it will get me back on track again.
