So this is how the weekend went. My husband and I had an email discussion on the state of our marriage. It was decided that we don’t think we have much of a marriage left. We sleep in separate rooms (my snoring & frequent nightly bathroom trips), we don’t share mealtimes (my feeding tube) and we don’t talk to each other anymore (my temporary deafness & lost voice). Efforts are going to be made to find things we can do together.
Saturday went well enough. We stripped and remade both beds, did the housework and four loads of laundry. The washing kept us occupied for hours. I had to forgotten to remove a paper hanky from my pyjama pocket, the bits had stuck themselves to every single item in the load. We also lost a face flannel which we still haven’t found, I hope it isn’t stuck down one of the pipes in the washing machine. We then cleared out some of the filing cabinet drawers in the office and made the arrangements to get an MOT and service for the car.
Then we explored the idea of sharing each other’s interests. I have new hobbies now that I can’t hear anything. I enjoy jigsaws, crosswords and puzzle books. All activities I would willingly share but they unfortunately do not appeal to him. We could flick through a magazine together. Trouble is I read boring financial magazines containing work related subjects and he reads sci-fi mags. We then considered watching a DVD (with subtitles for the hard of hearing). My favourite film is “Brief Encounter”. He likes “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Ok then how about a TV Programme? I enjoy what I would call vintage TV. Nostalgic programmes of the highest quality like “Little House on The Prairie” or “The Waltons”. My definition of quality is sadly not shared. I have tried to watch some of those science documentaries he likes. I am sure they are very good, but I don’t understand them and it feels like being back at school.
Fortunately we were rescued from this dilemma by the first of many phone calls we receive at the weekends from friends and family who do not live locally. They seem to be becoming increasingly alarmed that they have not spoken to me in ages. My husband will say that I am fine, I am doing well, but due to temporary lack of voice and hearing that telephone communication is impossible. However I am beginning to suspect that some of them wonder if I have run off with the milkman or whether my husband has murdered me and buried my body in the back garden. There are also a few that are worrying that my condition is more serious that we are telling them about. My husband reassures as best as he can and I then follow up with an email, text or letter.
By Sunday I’ve retreated back to my bedroom with the latest book I am reading. It’s called “Breaking Back - How I Lost Everything and Won Back My Life” and it’s the autobiography of the tennis player James Blake. A very honest and emotional account of how he recovered from breaking his neck playing tennis but got back to full fitness, whilst also learning to cope with his father being diagnosed with cancer. I found it very inspiring. Good luck with the US Open James, I will be keeping an eye on your progress!
So on Monday we decided to just do what we do most Bank Holidays. We went to the beach. Last time we went there was the day before my radiotherapy and chemo started. I was so excited to see the sea again that I felt like a small child. My husband even managed to behave like a small child. He went paddling, went too far in and got his shorts wet. The best bit is that I managed to walk all the way there and back.
