Wake up on Wednesday morning feeling a lot more positive. Managed to stay in the same bed as my husband all night. Only woke up twice, got quite a bit of sleep. Today will be a good day. Pull back the covers to put some water down my feeding tube. There is dried blood all over my front. I don't know whether I am more frightened or confused. Further investigation shows that I seem to have been bleeding at the hole where the feeding tube goes into my stomach, and I am still bleeding.
It is at times like this that I don't feel I can ever cope with all this cancer stuff. Deep breath. Try to think logically. It possibly has something to do with the steroid cream I was using last week for my regranulation condition. My blood is probably not clotting properly because it is only just 4 weeks since I finished Chemo. Husband wakes up, obviously concerned. I am calmer now, I try to explain to him that I think it's fine, but my voice has completely gone now.
Fortunately my feeding tube nurse has taught me well over the weeks, and I know the procedure. This does not require a call to the 24 hour emergency helpline. I need to call the number I have for my nurse and leave a message. She switches that phone on when she comes on duty and will answer all messages before she goes to see her first patient of the day. I am not capable of ringing anyone. But I can send a text. Which is presumably why the nurse checked last week that I knew how to text, as she could hear my voice was going.
Text conversation takes place. Yes all seems to be well. I am overgranulating. Not too sure what it means, but I trust her completely. Best thing I can do is to rest all day. I don't need telling twice. Husband goes to work for a couple of hours during which I sleep in our bed. I then get a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, and a 3 hour nap in the evening, both shut away in my nice new bedroom. I feel important now that I have 2 bedrooms, and I am finally catching up on some sleep.
