So its Friday 8th June 2012 at 23:39 and I am watching NCIS that I have Sky +’d and I am writing my final blog. Its some 27 months since diagnosis and a lot has happened. I have never had a serious illness before and never wish to again, but for a Bowel Cancer patient the journey is much longer than I could have ever envisaged.
This morning at was at Spire for my annual CT scan something that I will have to undertake annually for 5 years….3 more to go and I am scheduled to see Professor Sebag Montefiore on the 20th for my results.
My Bowel has been playing games lately or should I perhaps say self induced. It was my birthday on Tuesday and I went out with Gavin on both Friday and Sunday to celebrate. Alcohol is one element that even today has its side affects and just a hangover. My bowel reacts badly to it and since Christmas 11 I have had hardly had a drop. So 2 days of indulgence resulted in 3 bad days. But now I know what to expect I can manage it more effectively, with lots of wet wipes and Cavilon at hand.
Diet plays a huge part of my life and foods that I had previously enjoyed are no longer part of the menu. Curry’s and anything spicy are no no’s and alcohol is also pretty much off limits and when I do have one the next few days can mean frequent bathroom trips. I deink more water than I ever did to maintain the right balance and to help things I also take Fibogel daily.
Just before Christmas I hit real low point. For the past 21 months since being diagnosed, medical professionals surrounded me, however now I was all alone. I could not quite work out what was happening so a visit to my GP put things into perspective. I was struggling in the main with emotions and after everything that had happened, this was not unusual.
So back to research and bingo I find a course of treatment that might just do the trick “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy CBT)”. CBT is a psychotherapeutic approach that addresses dysfunctional emotions, behaviors, and cognitions through a goal-oriented, systematic process - Wiki’s definition. For me it was a way of talking through what I had been through and putting meaning and a type of closure to the events. Having had Cancer is something that one will never forget and something that you can’t apply closure to. But to be able to park some of those experiences away from my day to day thoughts, will help me to move on.
David Broadbent at Nuffield Leeds was to be my Consultant Psychologist and something that I have just realized is that I was to be his last patient just before retiring, just like I was for Mr Ambrose who retired back in March 2012 when diagnosing me.
I had 6 eventful sessions with David and I can’t thank enough for helping me with my issues. It was quite ironic that for months I had been using the word stool or on occasion poo…..now with David we went back to basics and we used the word crap….this light heatedness helped me get through things and using methods such as discussion and case studies put things into perspective. I still have a way to go but David’s help, put me on the right path.
So its now 00:30 on Sat 9th Jun 12 and Cold Case is on in the background and I can’t stop writing today, having covered off the final 4 blogs and I am pleased with my efforts.
My approach to life has changed however I do not treat each day as if it was my last as its not. My outlook is that I have beaten this disease and I am positive that It will not return. But if it does I will be prepared and will tackle it with all the enthusiasm as previous. There are things though that I can’t do that perhaps previously I could and I have to be mindful when I am out that I know where the toilets are and that I choose places where I know that they are a standard that is acceptable in terms of cleanness.
Late last year myself and Sean went to see Mike Peters doing an acoustic set in Otley and half way through his set I got to meet him and have my photo taken with him. The Alarm was the first band live band that I ever saw and to meet a hero some 28 years later made up for everything that I had been through and as you will remember that the last time I saw him was in Leeds with Big Country, some 2 days before my reversal.
I now take an active role in a number of projects such as being a Patients Voice for “Beating Bowel Cancer” and I am also involved in several projects for Macmillian’s.
I am also extremely proud to be a member of the “Stakeholder Involvement Group” for YCR. All of these activities allow me to give something back to those that have helped and hopefully using my experiences I can make a difference for others impacted by Cancer.
As for the future who knows were it will take me or even for how long….but one positive thing that has come out from this experience, is that I met some wonderful people and have made some new friends. During my illness for one reason or another some friends have withered by the way side for one reason or another and those that have been there for me, have been truly remarkable.
I look forward to perhaps writing again in 12 months time to keep you all posted on events, but more importantly I hope that my blogs have provided an insight into the journey of a Bowel Cancer patient and I hope that my story may help others with their journey…in that they are not alone and that there is light at the end of this very long tunnel J
