still waiting..

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

20 Sep 2010

i know this is going to sound really ungrateful..

and i dont mean it to sound this way..

but im still really really worried about this lump. ive still not heard for a scan date... and i dunno.... i dont want this to come across harsh or in anyway un appriciative...

but

everyone keeps telling me to stay positive... its very hard... im not sure how many people on here have gotten a lump after getting into remission, im not sure how others have dealt with it...

but for me... its hard... i cant think positive.. ive tried..

im so worried

i just dont know what to do with myself. and i no that il be having the scan in a couple of weeks... exactly what date.. i dont know.. but still finding it hard..

and i will let you all know when it is.. so im not being nasty when i say this but please dont ask... cuz i feel pressure.. i know that sounds silly.. but i dunno how else to explain it... sorry.. and it is like, when im in chat, its one after the other after the other... and i know you all dont mean it, but i dont know the answer and thats getting to me... sorry again.. not aiming at anyone individually... sorry

but please forgive me, if im not my cheerful self.. please forgive me if i dont wanna talk bout it, because right now... 24 hours a day.. all i can think about is what is this lump? what if it is the cancer back again.. cuz for all i know..i could wake up 2mora.. and this lump will have gone and i will have had all this stress for nothing.... i can dream cant i? i can hope.. and i can try to think positive.. but this minute in time... its bothering me.

FormerMember over 14 years ago

awww you dont sound silly...

im suppose to have a hernia op on wednesday and no one is allowed to mention it till wednesday morning..if they do i get really spooked out....

we are just all different.

with me my nhl coming back isnt such a worry......

but if i know i have to have a blood test or a scan or anything to do with medical stuff it so freaks me out.....

spent 13 months avoiding a biopsy because i was more afraid of having the biopsy then i was of dying...

told only 3 people i had nhl for the first 14 months because away from this site i so didnt want anyone to mention it....

and im sorry but i really think you will be fine what ever....i think your stronger then you realise....everyone told me the same thing....

i never thought i would ever go inside a hospital...

o well i wont mention it again unless you want to talk about it.....often thats the best way...

me ? a hernia op ? what hernia ???

all the best....

hugs
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

((((((HUGS))))))
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Emma,

As others have said - phone and see if they'll give you a scan date over the phone, so at least you'll know when it is. Let's hope all this worry turns out to be for nothing, but no one can tell you not to worry - unfortunately, it's only natural to do so!

Also, as others have done, I'm sending you hugs and love.

Love, Rose x x x x x ((((((((hugs)))))))) x x x x x x x x
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Sending you much love and big hugs... Thinking of you.

Maureen
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

I can remember one time going to dematology with Sue, and they said "You need a scan" and sent us round to imaging. We'd got the impression they'd do it there and then, and were very surprised when they gave us an appointment two weeks away. So much so we went back to dermatology and questioned it, and they managed to bring it forward by a few days.

John
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