In May 2023, a spot on the left side of my tongue appeared which was a bit uncomfortable so I was referred by my dentist to an oral specialist. After his exam, he said it was a benign condition, that it was a traumatic ulcer and he also told me my tongue was large for my mouth (?!) He said I needed to wear my bite guard at night and he would get me a splint/ mouthpiece of some sort to wear on my bottom teeth during the day. I didn't really want to fool with the mouthpiece so I asked 'If I don't get that, the sore won't go away?' And he said 'yes.' So I expected to just have some discomfort from the sore but knowing it was harmless, went on my merry way. Over 2 years later, the pain is starting to be more frequent. I have not been wearing my bite guard so I get it out and it seems to feel better the next morning. But not much. I am now using Kanka on it more often to numb it and it hurts sometimes to talk, I think because of my tongue rubbing my teeth. So I go back to the doctor who examines it and says it feels firm and looks different than before so wants to do a biopsy. He said it is hopefully a fibroma but needs to rule out cancer. A week later (yesterday) I went after work for the biopsy. It hurt but not as bad as I expected. The worst part was the blood taste and the build up of saliva in the back of my throat. They did a 6mm punch biopsy and I drove home with gauze in my mouth. At home, cleared the blood and spit by spitting and rinsing. After a couple hours I felt pain in my tongue, ear, throat, and back teeth. Took Tylenol and sipped a can of Ginger Ale and I cried HARD for hours because I am terrified of a cancer diagnose. Every time something 'could' be cancer, I am convinced it is and research everything about that kind and that is all I do. I watch videos of survivors that have been through brutal treatments and have lasting unpleasant side effects. I read about reoccurences of the cancer shortly after they finish the hard treatments. I learn the stages and prognosis and expect that the absolute worst will happen to me and that my life as I know it will be over. So scared of pain and suffering to fight for my life only to die soon after anyway. I don't know how some people handle it so much better but if a positive attitude makes it easier to cope with a better outcome, I'm in trouble. I called off work today due to my bad emotional state and just want to lay in bed a long time. Supposed to get biopsy results Oct 7- already asked my husband to come with me. I can't imagine being told it's not cancer because I feel positive it is as much as I want to be wrong. I expect my body to be ravaged with surgery ( partial glossectomy with reconstruction by taking parts from my arm and thigh) so I'll look like Frankenstein and feel like I got hit by a truck, be tube fed for awhile, experience a trach because my tongue will be the size of a football, never sound the same when I talk, and take months to eat normally again. But I'll need the dreaded radiation that causes the worst pain in your mouth that burns up your saliva and taste buds so enjoying food ever again probably isn't in the cards. Let us not forget chemo that will have me feeling like I ran a marathon just getting out of bed to pee, fighting the nausea every day. How can humans endure this?? If a cure or good treatment response is likely, ok, but if you're Stage 4, is just being alive for a little longer worth all the suffering through treatment? Why didn't my dentist ever tell me to get this checked sooner if it looks concerning? What if a biopsy a year or so ago could have changed the outlook? I am so scared.
