This awful journey began back in March 2022. We were out for a curry with Alex’s friend for life Jim. Jim has just found himself a steady girlfriend. Bearing in mind we are all in our sixties, I was over the moon about this. We had met Tina a few times and she met with my approval. We were enjoy our curry when i noticed Alex’s lips were grey/blue and he had gone very pale. Asking if he was ok, he replied he just felt a little sick. Putting it down to a bad curry, he sat for 10 minutes sipping a glass of water. This all past by and Alex drove home dropping Tina and Jim on the way. Next day he was back to normal. Ten days later we took ourselves off for a fish and chip lunch by the coast. Alex got half way through his meal and had similar feelings. He booked a doctors appointment for the following Monday. Doctor said could be ulcer or gallstone so an appointment for gastroscopy was made. This came through incredibly quickly, matter of a few days. I dropped Alex off for his appointment at 8.30am, drove home and waited for him to call saying he was ready to collect. Instead I got a call from a secretary at the unit saying could I come in and talk to the doctor. My heart was in my mouth. I got to the unit and was shown into a small side room. Alex was bought in, still groggy from the anaesthetic. We waited for the doctor each gripping the others hand. We knew something was not right. The doctor then told us the news that Alex had a growth in his stomach which looked cancerous. This was an enormous shock to us both. No history of cancer in either of our families. Alex had always been a Gym member, even during lockdown, he had run round where we live, cycled a bit. We had what we thought was a healthy diet. Fish twice a week, lots of veg and salad. Not a lot of fried foods. Takeaway about once every six weeks, if that. Why? How had this happened?
Alex was referred onto the oncologists. At the appointment they discussed the best way forward would be chemotherapy. I was still in denial at this point. They had the wrong Alex. They were looking at the wrong gastroscopy results. Had I fed him the wrong diet? All sorts of things were going on in my head. We had told our friends as soon as we knew what it was. I must say, they were all very good to begin with. But slowly as time went on they have backed away.
Alex started his chemotherapy. We had no idea what to expect. I dropped him at the unit and thought how sad he looked entering into that building. I wanted to be with him to start with but, due to Covid restrictions, was not allowed in. That afternoon, sitting waiting his text to say come and collect him was awful. I could not concentrate on anything, I kept thinking he shouldn’t be there, he should be here with me. Eventually got the text and went and picked him up. On the way home he was very quiet. He just said his hands were tingling and he felt cold. Got him home and made him comfy in his armchair with blanket and hot water bottle. This routine went on for five more chemo sessions at three week intervals.
The sixth chemo session appeared to be as normal, but he came home and slept all that evening, just about managed to get himself into bed and had good nights sleep and stayed in bed most of the next day. Getting up around 4pm, I suggested something to eat but he said no he wasn’t hungry. Then the sickness started. I encouraged him to try some smooth soup, that came up, milky drink came up. So it went on for several days until I was at my wits end and I could see he had lost a lot more weight.
I contacted the acute oncology unit at the hospital who said bring him in later that morning. They were excellent, checked his bloods, pulse and blood pressure. They said he was very dehydrated so put him on a drip of saline, then one of glucose. He was discharged that afternoon after being told he had just got run down and must eat and drink more. That is easier said than done when everything keeps coming back.
The next few days we persevered with liquid and soft foods, This time instead of bringing up the food it was just a clear phlem(sorry to be so graphic). It was, to my untrained eye, as if the food was going down but then juices were being produced in his tummy which could not be dealt with. I rang AOS and they said providing he was keeping ‘food’ down he would be ok.
Alex is one of those men, like a lot of men, so I gather, that has to have a regular poo, first thing in the morning like clockwork. Even on holiday, coach leaving for day trip at 8.30am, Alex would get up at silly o’clock just so as he could have poo and still have time for breakfast. Now I discover he has not had a poo for several days! Rang AOS again! This time I was told to give him some laxatives which Alex had been given on one of his first visits for chemo. Tried these for a few nights, no movement. Another phone call to AOS and a trip to the unit. He was examined by the on call doctor, who sent him for a ct scan. This showed a blockage in his stomach in the exit area. To my horror he was admitted to hospital to have a stomach stent fitter, apparently nothing to do with the cancer, would have happened anyway! Quick visit by me to Next to purchase pyjamas, Alex does not possess any. Dash home to pick up essential washing things, phone charger, shaver ect ect. Back to hospital. Stent had been fitted and he was now on a ward. When I found him, he was asleep, it broke my heart seeing him laying there all alone in a small side room. He has always been a fiercely independent man. He would try, and usually succeed at anything and everything. The only thing he knew he was no good at was bricklaying but everything else, electrics, plumbing, plastering. All that he had taught himself and to see him now laying in that hospital room was awful. Yes he was in the right place but how had we got there. This should never be happening. We had both always been so careful with our lives.
I think I had better finish for now. Part Two to follow soon.
