It has almost been three months since my last post, wow! I haven't been that active this Summer. The rest of the year you spend more time at home, more time inside, and I think you generally lean more towards spending more time in front of the screen. My 2024 Summer was completely wasted because of treatment so I think I decided to make the most out of this one. Went back to Greece with my girlfriend and her family and spent a week in the island where they have the family home, I went to Spain twice, a week each time, to see family and friends... Spent many days riding my bike outside, walking, going to the swimming pool (I did the Swimming Challenge in June-July and that took me some effort)... I even bought a 2nd bike, gravel this time. Work approved it under the cycle-to-work scheme, even though I work from home and I don't have to cycle anywhere, but there's not much control over this scheme at present.
So, been busy, done things, and probably stayed away from this forum a bit too much. I find it kind of annoying how active the Lymphoma Facebook group is and how little activity there is on the MacMillan forum. I like reading and writing something that is a bit deeper or has more to it than just a FB post or response. I don't want to see a name and face before I read the message. I don't want to judge, to think this or that. I don't know. So as there hasn't been much activity here I haven't really come that often. I am still attending the Lymphoma Young Adults meetings, which are great.
Anyway, I am good, I have made a lot of progress in terms of my physical condition, I feel like before my symptoms started, I can ride and swim and play football and feel the same, just a couple of years older. I wasn't sure I was gonna make it as far I have, so I am very happy with the current situation. Still have my introspective moments and wonder why my leg hurts here and my why I have discomfort there, but I try to be positive and not overthink symptoms that have little to do with the ones I had before.
I am becoming more grateful. Grateful that I got to enjoy this Summer, that I got to travel, to be normal again (to some extent), to be able to sunbathe, to swim in the sea and the pool, to play football once a week with my old colleagues and feel almost like nothing happened. But it did happened and the mind has scars. I used to be a regular at football and didn't go for over 18 months. People ask where were you, why are you a bit slower, how I lost so much hair... all in good faith and honesty but it is annoying to sort of remember my disease all the time. And it is also my fault, every time I play or I do some exercise I go back to thinking how I couldn't do this for so long, how long it took to get here... and inevitably you think about the difficulties during and after treatment and you think about how scared you are of going through the same again in the future. That is f scary man.
So, just hoping to keep doing good and keep enjoying this.
But now I am also more conscious about what to do with my time and my life. I have a job which was great during treatment (home based, not very demanding) but that is now burning me a little bit. I need excitement, I need challenges, I need to see people more often, I need to feel important again, I need to be relevant, I need to learn, research... and I am not getting those experiences now. With this I am ungrateful, how many people wish they had the job I have, and how much I don't like it at times! But the biotech/pharma market is crap in the UK at present, so the opportunities to move around have shrunk dramatically over the last 2 years. Maybe is time to leave and go elsewhere...
Too many things to think about. Will write a post about it at some point. About how difficult is to see the future now, because not that long ago you were not even sure there would be a future!
My writing style is terrible and gets worse every day, congrats if you made it here!
