I have told people about my cancer, a lot of people say “I’m sorry”, but then the next thing they say is how brave I am. I get a bit crotchety at that: Brave? How? What am I doing that’s brave? I didn’t choose to get cancer. I’m just doing what I have to do to stay alive - and preserve my physical appearance as much as possible with breast reconstruction. I don’t think any of that is brave.
And then I remember how I felt going into hospital for my mastectomy, 6 weeks after my failed lumpectomy… I’d woken up in severe pain after that first operation and the soreness afterward lasted weeks. Plus I had a post surgical chest infection which was scary at the time. And it hadn’t even removed all my cancer. So I was scared - it took all the courage I had to climb onto that operating table and let them put me to sleep. That took bravery, though I say it myself. I also have had to be brave turning up for every clinic appointment, every time I stuck my arm out for a cannula or blood test, every time I climbed into a scanning machine, and every time I quietly listened and tried to follow the latest piece of scary news being imparted to me. Sure, it’s ultimately about me trying to ensure my future survival but in that moment, it’s about trusting my healthcare team and screwing my courage to the wall.
