Last Thursday my dear dad telephoned to say my mum had cancer (stomach)...
They had known for 3 whole massive lonely months! ... I was'nt sad that they did'nt tell me sooner, only sad that they felt they should'nt, cause they did'nt want to spoil my birthday!! (like i'd have cared about my birthday), and also that i'm busy with our four little ones (aged 2, 5, 7 and 9 years), and there never seemed to be a "good time"..... Nothings been the same since, and if someone had said I'd be using word like "Chemo and Mum" in the same sentance I'd have called them a liar... I've worn myself out worrying about mum, I wake up and the first thing I think about is Mums Cancer, I go to bed and all I can think about is Mums Cancer, the days are spent busy, (extra busy) than I normally am with four little ones, but it's a sadness i've not known before, it's like a red light, that can turn it'self on whenever it wants to, and when it's not there I miss it in some strange way... a few days ago, my baby (he's 2) made me laugh for a split second with a whistle, and I felt guilty for laughing! Nothings important anymore, only getting mum better.
I've just come back from staying at their house, as I needed to see mum after dad had told me the news... they live quite far away, and the distance is going to be a pain in that it shall make it difficult for me to visit as often as I'd like, if I was round the corner I could go every day, but I'm not and thats a big worry in itself... It was nice to see mum, she did'nt look like she had Cancer, only a bit slimmer, (she's tiny anyway) and a bit worn out looking i'd say.
Mum started her first session of Chemo two weeks ago, she still has all her hair, I'm worried how she'll be when her hair falls out, she says she won't be too bothered, but she was always bothered before if she had a bad hair day, and then she will look like a women with Cancer, and I think that will be hard on her.
I'm going to her appointments and going to care for her alongside my Dad, (who's too independant to except as much help as I'd like to give)... So we've decided I could set up a web-cam so I can see mum everyday, and she can see her four Grandchildren. when I visited she said, I've just followed her from room to room like a lost lamb and that I should stop worrying, as I have my own life to deal with, but she's always been there for me, and now it's my turn to help her.
SO.... Dad has given me the task of stopping her from smoking!!
We had a good chat after she went to bed, some real good quality time, but even though he's strong as nails, he's worried sick about her smoking, and says he can't just sit back on he's own and watch her killing herself before he's very eyes, by this time I could see he was just Devasted by the whole situation... completely shattered and broken (i mean she's he's world, even though sometimes thay argue, it's always been them side, by side) and now this Cancer has gotten in the way. Dad and I agree it CAN'T be good for someone who has stoamch Cancer to be smoking, but she's still smoking... He say's I'm the only one she'll listen to, so now it's my responsibility to get her to give up completely... and hopefully we can save her.
I've never minded her smoking before, (Though I'm not and have never been a smoker), I know she loves a good fag, and have always felt that she gets nagged enough to give up, it's her life, she should do what she wants, plus she really enjoys a fag, so who am I to tell her NO?... But if she dose'nt give up and I can't get her better from this Cancer I shall never forgive myself... If any of you have ANY idea's that may work please let me know.
I've found this site to be a great support whilst reading some of the blogs... On the Friday, my husband, Who's been an angel, advised me to call Mcmillian, and I have to say they were wonderful... They gave me 2hours and 45 minutes fo their time, more than any doctor would have given me, they sent me out out a massive info pack, and since then I've been able to get mum the cream and mouth-wash that she needs (her mouth is red-raw from the capeceptabine tablets)... but believe it or not, I come from quite a large family, in that I have a sister, aunts, cousins etc... and not one has telephoned to ask how I am.. it's not sympathy I would have wanted at all, just how are you, hows your mum and your dad.. every year these people (apart from my sister, we don't speak) get a christmas card from me and my family, yet not one has called... only my mother-inlaw, which was nice, but no one else has even bothered to ask...
We are seeing the consultant, who I shall meet for the first time soon, as they are doing Chemo and an operation on mum, then more chemo... hopefully all will go well, and I shall be able to get my lovely mum better, get rid of all the cancer and get her to stop smoking.
Best wishes to you all xx
