I havn't blogged for a few days, because I have been feeling a bit under the weather.
Some of it could be alchohol and self inflicted if you get my drift. ............Birthdays and kebab's.
Mum seems to be doing ok this week, she said her dead foot hasn't returned since she has been on these meds so thats a good sign.
I do get annoyed with her at times though, Friday, when I was feeling ok, I phoned to see if she wanted to come over to my house for a while, but she said she was painting her bedroom ceiling!
What the hell does she think she's doing at all? She doesnt seem to get the drift of 'taking it easy'
But I also know that this Wednesday 4th August she is scheduled to have her 3rd cycle of chemo, so I think she rushes around this week in case the chemo wipes her out next week.
I didnt see her for very long yesterday as she wanted to go back home after we had lunch.
I have though, now seen whats left of her hair. It wasnt as bad as what I imagined. It was like fine baby hair just really thin.
I had gone to pick her up and had arrived before she had put her hat on, as I come through the door, she ran over to get her hat, and plonked it on. I said 'well let me see it then'.
She took her hat off, and I wasnt that shocked really, she looked embarassed as she shown me, I just told her that she has to remember that its just an effect of the treatment and not due to the cancer.
It's funny really isnt it, sometimes the hat is the only reminder and only tell tale sign that mum is actually ill. You easily forget that she is ill.
I dont know why, but she said she felt like she wasnt going to see us today. When I was going she said 'If I dont see you tomorrow............' I think she was trying to say something but I kept interupting and telling her that she would see us today no matter what.
Its my boyfriends birthday today and she has sent him a card, a funny one, that we had picked together that was quite appropriate. Normally she would have just signed it, but this time she had actually written a bit more........ 'all the best for the future,be happy'
when I read it over his shoulder, it made me so sad, it was just a jolt that the future won't be with mum.
