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How fast is this coming around? We are up to the 3rd cycle of chemo already, I think they have scheduled 6 in total, then a blast of radio therapy on the brain, as a safe guard measure as is likely to spread there next. I have brought my computer and am typing this while we are here! Up to now they have put her arms in water to make her veins more visable and also suggested that she has a top up of blood when she comes back tomorrow. Its quiet in here today, only 3 other people. They have just set the first bag of chemo juice off, and away we go, back on the merry go round again, bloods, chemo, ct's, x rays........... really the list is endless, in between all this they tell you to try and maintain a 'normal' life! I must admit that I am very impressed with the way all this is working and the slightest thing that is wrong with her and they are on it. Sunday, I ended up not seeing mum! After all, I wasnt feeling too good and when I phoned she said that she was cold during the night so thought it best that stay in. We went to the park, I saw a girl there, I say girl, she was probably a bit younger than me, her hair had just started to grow back after what I can only assume was chemo. Made me really sad, even though I am guessing that she has the big 'C' and that she is or has been treated. When I looked at her I felt symptathy........... then I got it. It all clicked into place, why mum keeps her head covered. Its that look, the same one I must have give that girl. A funny look, first, oh whats wrong with her hair followed by, aww she has a small child, sympathy for her, empathy for her family admiration for seemingly not caring less and living her life. But you know what? None of this I KNOW, I am only assuming. But Im sure if people who are reading this, those who have/had cancer will no doubt had people look at them that way, and the 'well' people no doubt at some time in their life must have looked at someone in the same way. I know mum has said, and keeps saying that she just wants everyone to carry on as 'normal' God I hate that word. Normal! What the hell is 'normal' about a rainy Wednesday in August (yeah, that bit might be normal as we are n the throws of the great british summer) sat in a cancer unit while they are pumping my mum full of chemo juice (as I have now begun to call it) to try and keep her alive. I read a post on another site, written by a woman in a very similar situation to me, who said that everyone keeps asking her how her mum is but she feels like no-one really wants to listen to the answer. I totally get that. Sometimes you feel as though people ask out of courtesy, thats the beauty of this blog - if they really want to know then they can just drop in. Im not bombaring my social network site with all doom and gloom and ramming this illness down everyones throats, this is separate. This line will no doubt come back to haunt me, but there ARE other things going on in my life other than this illness. It's not on my mind ALL of the time and its not ALL I talk about it and it doesn't always make me sad. Saturday night I went out and had a whale of a time, you wouldn't think to look at me that there was anything this big going on. Im still me, Mums still her, our lives havn't altered THAT much, we still laugh at the same things, (maybe more than before) Still get upset by the same things. Our lives have remained 'normal' This is truely a rollercoaster, as you may be able to tell from my tone, 'normality' is good, but then its frustrating because its not......... That is so hard to explain and I hope that you get what I'm going on about.
Thank you all for reading, for your support, and hopefully understanding.
xxxx
