turn left, turn right...

Hello, Today I have a story that I swear I've seen in hollywood-esq movies... My mother will need to be looked after in the next month or so due to radiotherapy, she wants me to go to Hong kong with dad because she wants someone to look after him, keep him company and she doesn't think i'll get another chance. My father, incurable, told me he'll be going back to Hong Kong asap for chinese medicine, he wants me to stay with mum and look after her. My Boyfriend supportive and I need him more than he needs me, we were planning to go visit his family before all this happened but we obviously has to give it up now. He has no problem with any of the decisions i'll be making. My sister Ayame, suggests I should take a year off university to spend it with dad. Myself, needs to see a doctor about quite a few things, includiing depression, insomnia, uncontrolable emotions and stress related problems. I have to move out of my current flat before the 12th of August. I am petrified of changes especially negative ones and thats why i've been shying away from doctors... Now that I've completely lost control of my life... I'm not sure what to do. Like my dad said "in simple english Momo, your mum in recovering from cancer and your old man is dying from it. you make your choice". Turn letf, turn right, hide away... what do i do? I'm supposed to call my god mother and talk to her but right now I want to write all my thoughts down and try to calm down first. I've been trying and trying to control my emotions once more, I don't want to just see black and white when there are so many colours out there, i just hate feeling like this. I don't wish to burden anyone and i dont want to make others feel like they're burdening me... I guess i've completely gone spiralling downwards. Going to Hong Kong means i'll be able to see family there, I'll be with some of my friends there... but Joe, my boyfriend won't be there and he means so much to me. We've been together for almost 2 years now and its been very intense. He's always there for me. Without him, I'm not sure what my emotional state will be like, these few days if he wasnt here, i wouldnt know if i'll be here typing this and breathing. Staying to look after mum means I get to stay with Joe and Mum. I can take great care of her and Joe will be near... but what if i don't get to see dad again? but if i don't stay... my brother Ben has 2 daughters, one is still a wee baby, Cherish and one about 7 years old now, Pearl. He's also got a job at a resturant with awkward hours. He can't really go take care of mum. My sister Ayame has the 5 year olf DeeDee and a resturant of her own in N Ire to take care of... Joe said he would take care of my mum but he doesnt speak Cantonese and my mum's english is very "limited". I'm the only one available to... Running away, I'm sure Joe wouldnt advise it. Mum will be heartbroken and Dad will be worst as he'd probably feels the same as mum but will refuse to show that emotion. It doesn't solve anything. ............... Turn left? Turn right? help. Love Momoka xXx