Mum and Dad finally decided to separate last night.
It's been about a year and half since Dad was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. At the very start of the year, we were told that Dad had 10 weeks to live unless he had chemotherapy, and amazingly he responded really well and is still with us now. At the moment, he seems slightly healthier than he did last year if anything. Christmas last year was really difficult; we all thought it would be his last. buying presents was almost impossible and Dad was so poorly I had to keep wrapping him in blankets and checking he was ok. My sister attempted suicide at Chritmas and ended up getting admitted to psychiatric hospital, but despite that, somehow we managed to keep going, and had a special time together. The chemo started not too long after that.
As soon as the chemo started my dad found out my dad had been having affairs for the past few years and he has been absolutely tortured ever since. Although he's healthier than before, he's drinking more than ever and Mum and Dad have been arguing constantly. My sister was let out of psychiatric hospital after a few months and things got so hard at home she's moved out. My Dad has now decided he's in love with his secretary and I think he's started some sort of vague relationship with her, whilst my Mum has stopped seeing other people. The situation is very complicated because my Dad had a lot of affairs throughout my childhood and my Mum never saw anyone else and always forgave him, but eventually I guess she snapped. They had been going to RELATE since the summer but gave up the week before last as Dad always got drunker and angrier than ever after the sessions.
Two weeks ago we had a party for my Dad to celebrate his life, which he asked for. He's always said he'd rather have a party while he was alive than a funeral. A lot of old friends came and I wrote a song for him which I played, but my Dad hated it. He got reallly angry when people said how lucky he was to have my Mum, so started telling veryone she was having sex with loads of other people. I ended up having to try to calm my Dad down while he was completely drunk and falling into a bush outside at the end of the night, and since then he's mostly been staying in a hotel. Last night, though, hecame home, and told Mum he wanted to separate. Mum is really upset. She loves Dad as a brother but not a husband any more, but she still wants to care for him, especially when he gets really ill again. (He's really ill now, but still able to go into his office most days and can still go up and down stairs.)
I'm not sure what to do about Christmas this year. I don't know if I can go through any more arguments, or seeing my dad that drunk again. This has all been making me ill and exhausted all year as it is. My Dad told me a few days ago he didn't want to spend Christmas with anyone and would go to a hotel but today he says he wants to spend Christmas together as a family if my sister and I want to. My Mum isn't sure, though. She's moved into a different bedroom but Dad says she can stay in the house for now, but he changes his mind all the time at the moment and when he gets drunk can get quite agressive and Mum gets scared.
I feel like my Daddy has changed so much in the past year he's almost unrecognisable. It sounds so horrible to say, but last January when I thought we only had 10 weeks left I was desperately sad but at least Dad felt loved and we were together as a family. Since then it has been nothing but heartbreak and conflict. I love my Dad to bits; he's my absolute hero, my best friend, my inspiration and understands me like no one else can, but this whole thing is breaking me up inside. I don't want Dad to spend Christams alone, but I don't want us to go through a horrific Christmas together this year; it's been hard enough as it is. At the moment I just feel really angry and annoyed that Christmas even exists, as there's so much pressure not only to be happy but also to be together as a family, and those seem to be two things that my family can't do at all any more.
