I am writing this Blog page to all of you out there caring for a loved one to pass on my message about how important it is to take care of yourself. Amongst all the things that go on in that process of care, we tend to forget ourselves. I know I did…
My partner Robert diagnosed with lung cancer Summer 2008 and our worlds were blown apart.
There were hospital appointments, websites, books, leaflets, brochures to read, medication/treatments to understand and in the centre of all this was the heart breaking worry about the man I loved coupled with still having to go to work, do shopping, pay bills and all the other normal stuff that still goes on.
After his treatment of Radical Radiotherapy and he was back at home another nightmare began – the pain he was in, getting him to eat, watching him loose weight, me not sleeping because I lay awake listening to his breathing wondering "was he ok". And still having to get up early, work, do the shopping, pay the bills, and prepare his special diet, read a small mountain about what food he could eat, should eat, not eat! I remember many times only having 3 hours sleep and then having to get up for work to start it all again.
I bet there are many out there who identify with this and its you I want to say – “take care of yourself”.
I wish I had done so sooner because during the “waiting” period for his results I finally broke.
Everyone I worked with said I was unbearable, snappy and tearful – yet I do not remember being that bad! I thought I was normal and coping well.
During the waiting period, (which was 3 months until we knew if the Radical Radiotherapy had worked) I could not bear the waiting any longer and went to my GP for something to help me sleep.
He checked me over took my blood pressure which was high; and I cried like a baby, broke down in tears. He recommended Counselling and quick.
I was prescribed blood pressure tablets and a mild sedative and after speaking to our Macmillan nurse Lucy the Counselling process commenced.
Within about 3 weeks I began Counselling and started to feel human again – it was like a cork released and many times I just sat there cried my eyes out and my god did it feel good.
If you need help talk to Macmillan, they know the ropes, they will help in any way they can. The Counsellors at Hillingdon Hospital were fantastic and after the first meeting, I truly felt relieved like a weight had been lifted. I stood at the bus stop after my first session and felt “lighter”.
I wish I could convey that feeling to you in words but do not think I will be able to. This website is a fantastic place and I got lots and lots of support and sympathy here but simply talking it all over in one session face to face had such an amazing effect on my emotions and outlook.
Do not be worried about any stigma or people laughing because you are seeing a “Counsellor” that’s their problem, don’t worry what others will think – ask for Counselling if you feel the need for it – it’s there and I wish I had gone sooner.
At home, with family, with Bob and others at work I felt like I had to be strong and not really show any fear, any weakness, any tears – most of all I didn’t want Bob to see how his illness was hurting me. He had enough to contend with without having to deal with my frailties.
If you are going through the caring process, please do not be afraid to ask for Counselling or help for your own health, in fact demand it – you are that person’s rock and without you they would be left to handle their illness alone or without the person they love.
Today, several months later I have been diagnosed with Diabetes II, which is very common I’m told, many millions of people do not know they have it and just live with it until something happens or it shows in a blood test (like mine did).
Some doctors believe that stress can contribute towards developing diabetes and I know deep down that the past year with Bob was the most stressful in my entire life.
Of course, I am not apportioning blame to anything I just wish in the midst of all that cancer stuff when it was at the height of its treatment and pain factor that I had taken a few moments to get something to help me cope. I wish I had squeezed in a doctors appointment for me before I reached the crying phase.
I wish I had those mild sedatives to help me sleep.
I wish I had noticed how snappy I was with Bob and everyone else at work and family.
And most of all I wish for all of you carers out there to avoid the “breaking point” I reached and say “I need help too”. Being strong and being the rock is no good if the rock slowly cracks…
