I wanted to respond to every one who wrote to me after my blog with my thanks to them all - in particular the lady called Sally who said "I feel like I've lost him already" and wow did that hit home - that's how I felt every day that he was already gone, already shrivelling away infront of me especially after the radiotherapy which was agony for him. My Counsellors said to me something that put it all in perspective "you are grieving while he is still with you" and that made me think about it all and that he was still with me and for that I should bless the day. I found it so hard to get my head around the fact that he was so sick he could die and it took a long time for me to come to terms with that. Another thing which the Counsellor asked me was "what do you do in your private time, time alone" I was confused - I didnt have any! "how do you relax" she said - again confusion because all my time was being used up - all my emotions were being spent and she was asking about spare time! It was all such a rollercoaster - the whole cancer thing is so devasting - nothing ever prepares you for it - nothing ever will. But amongst it all "private time" is essential - 15 minutes with a newspaper, a long bath, a walk around the block is even a good break. Anything we can grasp as we need to refresh ourselves and sometimes just step back from it all... Thanks again for all your comments and chat its lovely to hear from you all.
