Scared and lost

I'm so sorry Mel- so many of us have been where you are right now and can truly understand howdevastated you feel.The shock is just awful isn't it. Be very kind to yourself- accept the help and support of your friends and talk cry etc when you want to. Wishing lots of love to you and your Mum xxx

HI Mel ((hugs))

This is such a difficult time for you Mel, and despite the best efforts of friends I know when I went through it with mum I felt very alone at times. This time last year I was exactly where you are now. After a very short fight my mum was given two months. She too was very practical, I think it helped her come to terms with what she was facing. She organised the funeral, got the minister to the house to tell him exactly how it was to be, chose her songs, gave me her engagement ring on my 40th birthday and showed me what true courage was. I put on a face, smiled when I was with her, broke my heart in private and let the rest of my life slide while I spent every minute I could with my Mum. Don't be afraid to get close, you will treasure these moments in time to come, every little memory becomes so precious and you weill carry them with you forever, they will help you through the hard times.

Make sure that you give yourself time too, much of our grieving is done when we realise that we do not have the future that we have envisioned. Also, don;t be afraid to tell your mum how you are feeling, she sounds like an amazing woman and this will only bring you closer. Make sure that you prioritise your time, housework etc will wait so use your energies where it is needed most. Most of all, make every day count.

I didnt think that I could get through losing my Mum, well ten months on I am still muddling along with good days and bad but I know that Mum would want me to go on leading a fulfilling life and I firmly believe that she is with me every step of the way, if only in my heart.

Wishing you strength and love, thinking of you, sharonxx

Oh sweetheart!

I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.  I never stop missing my mum and I was 48 when she died.  However, she had Alzheimer's Disease so it felt like I'd 'lost' her before her time came.  I didn't have the chance to talk heart to heart to her as, in the end, she didn't understand what was going on.  

What I'm trying to say is try to make the most of the time you have left.  Your mum sounds like a remarkable lady and you owe it to her to listen to her wishes, no matter how painful.  Make her last few months a time to remember, show her all the love you feel for her and spend as much time with her as you can.  You will never regret it.  I only wish I had the opportunity to do the same with my mum.

Wishing you all the strength in the world and sending you lots of love and *hugs*, Madge x x x x

Hello Mel, what an awful situation you are all in.  Please don't be afraid to get closer to your mum in her remaining time - you will be glad you did. You have a lot of sadness to deal with at such a young age.  Some people go through life until old age and are full of regrets; your mum has none so her life is full and, as a mum myself, I bet she is so proud of you.  Your mum will so want you to live your life to the full - fall in love, get married, career, babies, that's what its all about, so make sure you do it big time.  Live for your mum so her memory will go on.  I wish you and your family all the luck and strength in the world to get through these remaining weeks and hope, like  your mum, you don't have any regrets.  Oh, and we are all here for  you.  Ann x

Hi Mel,

I'm so sorry you've had this awful news, it's totally devasting. I was slightly older than you, 31, when we got the 'it's cancer and it's weeks' news about my dad, back in March and it completely blows your world into tiny pieces. Friends do their best but I found I mostly turned to the two friends I have who have been in the situation because they understood how hard it was and how much it shakes you. All I can advise is that you spend time with your mum, chat, laugh and hug with her, make sure you let her know how important she is to you while she's still with you. Don't leave things unsaid that you may regret later. And try to enjoy some of her time, do fun stuff that makes you both laugh! Never forget that on here there are lots of people who understand and can offer you advice and support. They propped me up through the hardest time I've ever been through and they'll do the same for you.

Thinking of you, Vikki xxx