I'm not really sure about how to go about this. I've wrote on blogs before but not about anything like this.
My eldest sister told me about this site and although I'd been on it a few times before for information I've never joined the community side of it. I saw my sister's posts on here, I didn't look for them but the name caught my eye and I knew it had to be her. She's putting on this really strong exterier but deep down I know she's hurting just as much as the rest of us. I wish I could be as strong as her, I just keep crying which doesn't help anyone.
Our dad has just been Diagnosed with Terminal Bone Cancer and depending on the results of a scan tomorrow (to see if the cancer has spread or not) will determin which operation they can do. One will give him 5-6 years (the operation we are all hoping for) and the other will only give him about six months.
Were a large family and were all really close and pull together in bad times. My boyfriend, who even though I only see him at weekends due to long distance, is being utterly amazing (his mum had Breast Cancer last year so he understands how hard it is). Despite both of these things and even the wonderful support I'm getting from my friends and work I feel utterly alone. I know that's selfish considering it's my dad who is ill.
I'm 21, a sales manager of a massive company, I've lived on my own in the past and I live away at weekends, but I just feel like a frightened little girl who doesn't know what she'll do without her dad to protect her. He's always protected me, even when I've not wanted him too liek all good dads! I know everyone says their dad is the best but mine really is. A few years ago I did something that caused him no end of pain and yet he forgave me and made sure I was still a part of the family. He's a grumpy old man my dad is but he has the biggest heart and would do anything for his family. He loves seeing his friends, watching silly old comedys on GOLD and having a Whiskey. Not to forget good food. When he gets better me and my boyfriend are going to take him to the most amazing restaurant and he can have whatever he wants.
I know I'm rambling but I'm just trying to get al the thoughts and feelings I've had over the last week out. That way I can atleast concentrate at work.
He's a religious man and would love for me and my boyfriend to get married. We're planning on doing so but we need to save up for a house first. My boyfriend is very headstrong about this as well even though I'd marry him tomorrow if it was possible. What scares me is that he said if the worst comes to the worst and he does only have six months we'll get engaged and throw a massive party so my dad knows I'll always be looked after. I don't want to get engaged like that though. I want to get engaged when we have a house and let my dad make the wedding cake like he did for my other sisters and then walk me down the ailse. Again I'm being selfish but I'm scared he wont get to do those things and I'll be on my own at a time when any girl should have her dad.
Then there's my mum. I really don't know how she is going to cope if she loses my dad. I know we'll all look after her but they've been together 40 years and she lost her mum last year. I just wish I could take all the pain away from her. I wish I could take the pain away from my entire family. I don't know how to look after and protect them all.
