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The day I always thought I would escape.

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MillyE

Hi and apologies, I’ve never written a blog or partaken in social media, but suddenly I find myself wanting to document my journey. A year ago I visited my GP with a pain in my chest, I have had stomach ulcers in the past and knew it was similar. I was put on pantopazole and when I asked about a gastroscopy, I was told not necessary. I’m a stubborn ignorant creature and I didn’t take the best care of my health, so I took the GPS advice, took my tablets and merrily went on my way. Everything improved, no more acid reflux no more pain, but I couldn’t stop taking the tablets as every symptom returned immediately. Six months in I went back for repeat prescription and asked ‘ nothing tastes the same anymore, should I have a gastroscopy?” Again no, so off I toddled. I’m 55, pretty fit, no health issues aside from this stomach issue and stress but life was really turning out bloody good. After a year I self referred for a private gastroscopy without sedation on 21st April. 4th May went to get results and as soon as the specialist said you have an ulcer I was smugly high fiving inside, like some new medical told you so genius. What I didn’t understand is when she proceeded to say the biopsies came back as suspicious of a malignancy….. I smiled and said ok and didn’t listen to anything else really, walked home, pretty sure I had dreamt it and my first pit stop was my best friend. When she asked how it went I felt sick and didn’t know what to say so I blurted out “I might have the word we don’t speak of”. She started crying and I was confused. I was certain it was a mistake and I would be completely embarrassed when I realised I had got it wrong. I need not of worried, it wasn’t a mistake…. ( sorry not a great at typing so I’ll continue in stages)

Anonymous

  • That must have been a bitter sweet result  so hard to hear and difficult to understand when I got my results I found myself nodding and saying yes and out of the corner of my eye I could see my daughter crying 

  • in reply to Izzi

    Oh god, that would have killed me. How long ago? How are you and how did your family cope?

  • cont…My husband was away for the weekend and I was home alone. I decided not to tell my children at the time until I had a bit of time to digest what this all meant. Something changed that day, not necessarily for the worst, maybe for the better. I was never sick and thought I was invincible, so now what? The self pity lasted about half a day then I found a strength to think everything will be fine. The following days were filled with CT scans, blood tests and another eco gastroscopy with more biopsies. I received a phone call from a surgeon I hadn’t heard of asking if I could come in next week for surgery. I replied,” I don’t think so but if it was some day procedure and I could be back at work the next day then maybe I could”. He laughed and said no it’s to remove all your stomach. I had considered  I’d been prStuck out tongue winking eyeked like an old TV series named “you’ve been framed”. My immediate answer was no thanks. I think that’s when I decided to share the news with my husband and two of my three grown up children. I refuStuck out tongue winking eyed to discuss it with my best friend. I just wanted time to process. I was the matriarch, I couldn’t step down now. One daughter, a bit of an ice maiden like her mumma, cried and wanted to get on a pStuck out tongue winking eyene straight away. The other daughter was very positive ( direct to me - I’ll find out when I visit this week) My son still doesn’t know and he’s coming to stay for his 21st birthday the day I go in Stuck out tongue winking eyer surgery. He thinks I’m his world and that will be the hardest bridge to climb. I collected my husband from the airport and told him the news for the first time (he is the drama queen in the familyStuck out tongue winking eyeo of course it was full Dallas theatrics). I actually had to get family to support him and later friends as he still doesn’t know how HE will cope. I decided to visit my daughter in Ireland and thenStuck out tongue winking eyegree to surgery booked for June 1st. I had a visit with the surgeon, the poor guy that must be trying to figure out how to transfer care of this nutcase. He explained the second biopsy showed an aggStuck out tongue winking eyessive type of tumour that had not quite breached the stomach wall. I was really happy because both my parents died with cancer because it had spread and I think I would have chosen the No treatment Stuck out tongue winking eyeute. I still have a fear that they will open me up and find more. He said I’m borderline chemo first but he felt as I was fit and all the results considered a total gastrectomy was the best action. Stuck out tongue winking eyeere was a little more blah blah and at the end I agreed. I gave my husband a stern talking to and explained that I have no control over my current health BUT I have control over how I deal with it, meaning no discussions only practical stuff like  how to feed himself while I was incapacitated, how to clean the house as I didn’t want to come home and immediately be arrested for murder due to the sight of a dirty house. I’m wondering if that’s still an option would I be able to claim incapacitated mental health?Stuck out tongue winking eye

  • in reply to MillyE

    Hi MillyE  hope your surgery goes well, and your family 

  • in reply to Millsey

    All went well thank you Millsey. I’m on day 3 and I’ll write more when I have the energy. 

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