Went out with my two best girlfriends last night, and as it so often does, the conversation turned to cancer. One of them has recently become an expert on it since her long estranged half sister recently passed away from lung cancer and her sister in law has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and will shortly be starting chemotherapy. She's been given odds of 70%+ survival over 10 years, with an extra 6% if she has treatment. Wish my odds were so good. But when I mention that my odds are 40-50% survival over 5 years, I'm treated as though I'm exaggerating or being a drama queen. I mean how can a mole kill you?
Why is it so hard for people to understand that melanoma isn't just some trivial minor cancer? Why do they not understand that the reason I don't have chemotherapy or radiotherapy or any other drug regime is because they don't have much effect on melanoma? Why do people treat me as though it's all behind me, yet I feel as though I'm still caught in the middle of it? What do I have to do to make people understand that this is some serious sh*t? Die? Maybe then they will understand that this isn't trivial and it is a big deal and no, I'm not really lucky that I don't get chemo, I know it's harsh treatment, but it least it must give you more hope than relying on a scalpel and firmly crossed fingers.
Anyhow, rather than go over the same old ground with the maties, I got drunk instead and I'm paying for it now!
Rant over.
Marsha x
FormerMember
But I can tell you - they dont want to hear when you say you are terminal either! I suppose a big part of thier own reaction is centred around the fact that they dont want to hear that their friend is facing odds like you are. Maybe it comes from a mis-placed positivty and semi denial. Yes melanoma is very serious and has horrible survival rates - but your friends, and all of us here are hoping that you will be in the other half of the percentage figures. See, even Im doing it now!!
I had the amazing odds of a 2% chance of my cancer returning in 2003 - oops they got that one wrong! What are statistics anyway? Look you and I are here, we have loads of good things in our lives, including friends in denial. We cant alter the statistics but we can take time to enjoy the life we have and savour the good bits. No its not fair. Yes it sucks. We just have to plod on as best we can together against the odds. Im raising a glass to you right now! Love Jools x x x
I hope I am doing this right as last time I replied, I seemed to send it to myself and I apologise to the people kind enough to write to me.
I identified quite a bit with your comments and one of my pet hates is people telling me I look great (and perhaps I do all things considered) but it is not the same as how you feel inside and the roller coaster of emotions that go with the diagnosis. It is a little like being "out of the ring" and people are prone to comment on people they know who sailed through everything and looked wonderful at the same time even when they were dead! It doesn't help. I believe there is quite a depth of feeling that goes with all this and the uncertainty of the future. I have just finished Chemotherapy but feel shattered but look marvellous according to my friends!. However, my Dad had skin cancer and was treated in a totally different way like you, so I feel I have a little insight and hope you feel a little better now. XXX
well what can l say, lm new to all this and finding people who are on the same side as me l sure will help, your comments made me laugh, and wipe my leaking eyes, having my first bad week since it all started 2 years ago, lt probably would have been better if l hadnt chosen this week to join the site, but hey lm in it now, chin up and all that, G
