mally's blog

After a horrible day struggling with a bladder infection myself, I went to see Markus last night. He was on the balcony at the hospital, smoking. He went back to bed when I arrived, taking his pump with him. This great pump (and other infusions) has given him freedom from pain, so he is feeling much better. However, it makes him very drowsy, so he can't keep his eyes open long - I think he is sleeping most of the day…

It was Markus's birthday today, his 54th. I got up early to do the washing and do some baking before the day got really hot, but faffed around as usual and got behind time. Got the washing out early nevertheless. before nine, but when I got back from hanging it out Markus was sitting up in bed and watching TV, feeling nauseous again. His being awake made it difficult to prepare his birthday presents. I wanted to print…

First there is the new chemo, and feeling nauseous. Then there is pain, a lot of pain, in the arm and shoulder. Pain medications which cause nausea, and only partly control the pain. Then Markus just has to get erysipelas, or St Anthony's Fire, a streptococcal infection, in his leg. So he gets penicillin which causes more nausea. And I have to be dumb enough to get the flu, a really nasty variety, and can't keep it to…

It's all so wearing. Weeks and weeks of chemo and hope, then a few days of Markus feeling not so good, and the big questions come up again - scans next week - is everything ok, are the breathing difficulties just a cold, or something more sinister? Is the shoulder pain rheumatism, or is there really something there ( hence the MRI on Thursday)? Is the exhaustion normal after 22 weeks of Taxol? Will we be happy, or will…

Admins, I object. I want this seen publicly; I do not want to cause difficulties on the site, so I will refrain from mentioning names. I object with the same intensity that I objected to the bazooka to crack a nut. There must be a different way to solve this problem. Admins, I am grateful for all you have done and all the work you have put in. I am sure you can find a satisfactory solution without this drastic measure…