The first two days in hospital were horrendous. Markus couldn't breathe properley and suffered constant panic attacks. He also fell into a deep depression. This wasn't helped by the fact that his bed neighbour tried to push him out of bed or something during the night, shouting at him in English. Markus just didn't feel safe. Then a young man was admitted who had been in the same care home as Markus's son was when he jumped from the third floor. The constant tales of this home made Markus even more depressed, and he only felt a bit better on the balcony, where everyone goes to smoke.
After this he told the doctors and nurses that he only wanted to sleep and not experience much more. He has a pump administering morphine now, and another one administering valium. He has oxygen by his bed, and mostly sleeps with it on. His breathing has improved tremendously - it is laboured, but regular and doesn't cause him problems like before. The panic attacks have gone too.
Now he is in a room on his own, next to a big window. 'Light and air' he said, when they put him in there. 'Just what I need'. He declined the valium booster infusion then, saying he didn't need it - the change and the pump were enough.
My sister in law joined me at the hospital last night - Markus woke up to greet her, then went back to sleep, and we chatted for a couple of hours next to him. It's nice to hear voices in the background, it helps you feel safe. When we left, he woke up enough to kiss us and thank us.
Today I'll visit him at lunch time and in the evening, and his sister will go with their mother to visit him in the afternoon. Hope things continue like this.
