It is a few weeks since I was last on the bolg site other than to follow what you are all up to, but as the time for my next visit to hospital gets closer the more concerned I become.
Since I did my first blog I have had more blood tests but no more results. I have to wait 'til the 19th of this month for those and all the other tests I have had done.
I dont know if any of you out there have had to play this waiting game, but if you have how did you cope. Do any of you like me live alone and have now one to talk to in the middle of the night when sleep refuses to come and the fear factor creeps into your mind. Any tips??
For some time I have been convincing myself that I will be OK. Things are not all that bad. These thing can be cured. This stratigy however is starting to grow a bit thin now that I am starting to constantly feel tired and the easiest of tasks are becomming more of an effort that I have ever known.
Am I just being a wimp, or do all of us with this scurge get the same feelings?
Give me a clue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FormerMember
Hi Malcolm,
You are certainly not alone in what you are feeling. I am certainly experiencing the same things and I suspect many more are too. I have an appt on the 17th and I am trying to be calm and keep busy etc but it isn't easy. To be honest i don't think anything too drastic will be said but then the little what if voice creeps in. It must be tough living on your own, maybe log in to what now or turn on the radio for distraction. Why oh why does our imagination go into overdrive at these times eh!
All of us on here have had the torture of waiting for results. At least when you know what is wrong you can start to know what you are up against.
A couple of times when I have had CT or Bone scans I have asked the staff how long the results take and then telephoned my GP to access the results on the system.
Hated the wait for 4 days for my diagnosis of breast cancer. If I had been told on the telephone or by e mail I could have prepared myself mentally and would have had time to write down questions I wanted answers to.
As it was I was just in shock and it was so unreal.
Good luck for 19th. Hope all is well.
As for tips - had sleeping tablets but to be honest I still wake up during the nite.
I too live alone and the middle of the night is the worse.
How do I get through? tough one
Sometimes I cry, read, do sudoku, tried relaxation tapes, horlicks, writing how I feel down, even resorted to huging cuddly toys and yes I have even on the odd occasion found myself going back to a childhood habit of thumb sucking, but still dawn dosnt want to come and help chase the fear into the shadows.
You are not a wimp, you are like all of us touched with this disease a person who at times no matter how brave feels lost and very affraid. Sometimes we cope sometimes we implode, and sometimes we would give anything for a hug.
Thinking of you for the 19th which feals like a nightmare time away but will come at you like a rollercoaster.
Hi Malcolm. Youre not a wimp. You're a strong guy - we all are.
As has been said there are no easy answers, but hopefully knowing that you're not alone - that I and others have gone through it may make it a little easier to bear. When I first had my endoscopy I was told there and then, but was told that I'd have to wait two weeks for the definitive result. And I admit part of me was hoping that in two weeks the news would be good, but deep down inside I knew I couldn''t afford that luxury, but two weeks wait!!! Boy, I felt so alone during that fortnight - the daytime wasn't so bad, but waking up in the early hours was 'crucifyingly' aweful.
I tried focussed meditation - where you focus on a word or object, and breath deeply for 10-20 minutes ir more. This kinda almost drowns out that 'nagging dread'. It's still there, but it's not primary any more. And it sorta helped.
And I'd keep myself busy during the day, and go for long walks before bedtime, read novels, and/or watch a late night movie to tire myself out.
I even used some kind of home-philosophy where, if I did wake up in the early hours, I'd imagine I had 'bottled' that feeling of dread, got it captive and held it at arms-length to analyse it and labelled it 'not mine', to show that it's not 'me', doesn;t belong to me, isnt inside of me, and in the morning it'll be gone. I used a 'mantra; 'this will pass' that I'd say quietly 100 times in a self-assured way. I know some of this will sound stupid and it may not work for others, but it eased things a little for me - only a litttle...but it gave me a breathing space and seemingly gave me a little control to wait a couple of weeks until the result was through.
For me, those night hour dreadful feelings disappeared once I had been told the result and the plan of action.
Hang on in there, bro. You are a strong guy. You're not alone. Im thinking of you, as are many other people. GBY Jonathan
"Not good to know I am not on my own!" Wish others did not have the same problem!!! Keeping busy is good during day time but at 3am?
I do really try, 'til now telling myself all will be OK has worked. Well it may be who knows?
I have always been a very self reliant person, well; from 15 years old when I joined the Army as an Army Apprentice. always served and supported my peers putting them before myself,( and I guess always having their undisclosed support) never having a doubt about my invincability. Never needed help or support always in control of my life. Hey! When the push comes to shove perhaps not the tough guy I thought I was. Bugger life is a bitch!
Dont really know what my biggest fear is. Not in any way afraid of dying, more afraid of Chemo if I need it.Just dont want to feel sick. (Can't cope with hangovers so what will Chemo be like?
That is enough of thinking of me(elf pity healped no one. Ta again! Best of luch with your probs
