Sunday 30th May 2010
It's been a bad day today. John was fine for a couple of days after his third chemo session then it all started to go from bad to worse. Today has been awful.
Trouble is, I know he's feeling poorly and I try my very best to comfort him and do what I can to make life easier for him but he's so down in the dumps that he takes it out on me. He's always been a negative person and very critical of everything I do but it seems I can't do anything right nowadays.
He's withdrawn right into himself and is totally focussed on his body and what's wrong with it. I try to talk to him about other things to take his mind off what's happening but I get a constant commentary on every single symptom, big and small. Don't get me wrong, I do sympathise UTTERLY, but I can't help thinking that he should try to think about other things.
Trouble is that he has no hobbies WHATSOEVER so he's got nothing else to think about. All he does is watch TV all day - he can't even be bothered to read the newspaper. Even when I take him out he moans about the weather, the dog, other people, the taste of the tea in the cafe, etc, etc, It's really getting me down and I don't know what to do about it.
I am usually a very upbeat person but this is making me SO depressed! There's no laughter any more, just doom and gloom. It's almost as if he's wishing his life away.
The only time he brightens up is if somebody comes to visit but we don't get many visitors any more. I feel SO alone in this.
Sorry if this is such a miserable post but it's just the way I feel right now.
