John has been in a lot of pain and increasing his pain relief isn't helping. He spends most of his time lying in bed or on the sofa in a daze from the medicine. I'm collecting a prescription for Dexamethasone later today - a steroid which helps control pain. He's to take that for a week and his meds will be reviewed again. I'm so hoping they'll do the trick because the poor love is exhausted and hasn't been out of the house since coming home from hospital last Tuesday.
Our lives are well and truly controlled by this awful disease now. We eat, sleep and talk about it all the time. I can't even sleep in the same bed because the air mattress takes up so much room and we're surrounded by medicines and leaflets.
The outpatients appointment looms on Thursday! We know the scan results aren't good and he does have the option of a trial treatment which doesn't sound very satisfactory at all. If he agrees, he won't even know if he's accepted or not - half the patients will be on chemo and the other half not, and they'll compare the results. As far as I'm concerned I don't want him treated like a guinea pig at this late stage and I don't think he can take any more chemo any way. The final decision will be made on Thursday but I know that John feels the same way as I do.
So, where do we go from here? Who knows? I'm hoping and praying that they can relieve his pain and sickness so that I can get him out for a bit, even if it is raining! He's going stir crazy stuck in the flat all day and it makes him dwell on his symptoms all the time.
I'm sorry to rant but I feel like I'm going out of my mind and I need to get it off my chest. My head is going round and round in circles so I'll sign off now.
Love to all my wonderful friends.
A really Mad Madge, x x x x x x x
