5th May 2011
I haven't been around here for a while but I think I might need some special support soon. I feel very much alone at the moment because nobody who hasn't travelled this journey can fully understand what we're going through.
John has undergone five sessions of the planned eight of chemotherapy - infusions every three weeks and daily pills. I thought he suffered enough last time with the dreadful side effects but this time round he's even worse.
He's getting weaker and weaker, his nose streams almost continuously and he's having problems with his sight. His appetite is very poor, he's either constipated or suffers from diarrhoea and he's cold almost all of the time. He's finding it hard to swallow too and his liquid intake is very low, no matter how hard I try to encourage him to drink.
I've finally persuaded him we need a buggie for him because he can't come out any more. He tries but, after a few steps leaning on a stick, he simply doesn't have the strength to carry on. He thought it was a sign that he was giving up but I've convinced him that it's not giving up. To my mind he's giving up if he doesn't get a buggie because then he'll be trapped indoors.
Trouble is, we've had to buy a bigger car because no way was a buggie going to fit into our tiny little motor. Hopefully we'll have both car and buggie next week! Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry to moan after such a long absence but I needed to get this off my chest.
