In case anyone's wondering how we are I'm just writing a few lines to let you know. The days are passing us by and it's just a whirl of nurses and drugs, drugs and nurses, etc, etc. My head's all over the place so please don't blame me if none of this makes sense.
John has had many visits over the past few days from District and Mac Nurses, and a Mac Consultant, to monitor his pain and sickness. They've increased his drugs, then changed his drugs, and then changed them back again and nothing seems to give him much relief. Today it was decided to put a driver into his chest so that he gets a steady drip of drugs over a 24 hour period for his sickness. If there's no improvement during the first 24 hours, they will admit him to MacMillan for 3 or 4 days to get it under control.
As of now, 11 hours after it's been inserted, it doesn't seem to have made much difference but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
All the poor love wants to do at the moment is sleep because the slightest exertion leaves him exhausted and the only relief he gets is when he's lying down.
His pain seems to be relatively under control right now so let's hope they've got the levels of his medication right. Only trouble is that he's spaced out most of the time and I'm afraid to let him out of my sight in case he has a tumble. He absolutely hates being watched all the time but it's the only way I'll get any peace of mind.
He persuaded me to go to my writing class today while his daughter watched over him so I gave in because he was getting angry. I have to admit that I enjoyed it on the whole but felt guilty as soon as I arrived back home because he'd been in a bad way and I hadn't been there for him. I know his daughter is just as capable of watching over him but I still felt guilty.
And so the days go by - one day much like another. This isn't living, it's existing! While I was pottering around the shops today I felt as if I was in a daze and so angry that everyone else seemed to be out enjoying themselves and getting on with their ordinary lives while I was seething inside. I wanted to shout at them "Please don't take all this for granted because you never know what lies in wait for you around the corner!"
Sorry to ramble on so but it's getting late and, although I'm tired, my nerves are jangling.
Madge x x x
