Everything seems so hopeless

2 minute read time.

It's nearly midnight and I should be tucked up in bed but my head's all over the place.  I'm not even sure what I'm going to write because there's been so much going on over the past few days.

First off, John sorted out his Will which has put his mind at rest somewhat.  We've ordered a hospital bed and expect it to be installed at some point next week.  I really hope it sorts out the pain he gets first thing in the morning as it's breaking my heart to watch him struggle when he first gets up.

We also had a visit from the social services regarding a stairlift.  Turns out that, even if we were approved for a grant, it would take up to four weeks to be installed.  So I arranged for two quotes for reconditioned lifts but now John says he doesn't want one.  I'm beginning to have my doubts too because he really is so weak and tired most of the time.  The district nurse told me gently that she didn't think he would be up to it either.  So it seems my dreams of getting him out of the flat are all pie in the sky. 

Then we've had his blooming family making trouble.  His youngest daughter has been wonderfully supportive and visits almost every day for long periods.  His younger daughter suddenly announced that she would be visiting with her brother the next day after hardly contacting him since he left MacMillan.  What time did they turn up?  Seven o-blooming-clock in the evening when he's due assistance from the nurse to get to bed and is well past wanting visitors.  But then they wouldn't know, would they? 

I had a go at her and his son started shouting his mouth off and upsetting John so I just told them to visit quietly while I kept out of the way.  Luckily they didn't stay long but left John all of a tizzy and very upset.

They visited again today when I'd told them quite plainly that my sister and brother-in-law were coming and I didn't want too many visitors in one go.  Consequently he was worn out and ended up in a lot of pain tonight so that we had to call the twilight shift out to give him an injection. 

Sorry if this is all a bit of a muddle but I've just about had it up to here!!!!!!!!!  Even little Gemma's a nervous wreck. 

Wonder what next week will bring?

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Oh Madge, mega hug for you..... not that it will help you much, just know that my heart goes out to you.

    If they did more visiting nothing would need explaining to them....could Jo have a word with them rather than you and John getting upset? If they knew his routine and how important it is to you both that he has early visits then maybe things will calm down between you all? Maybe the son is full of guilt and cant express how he is feeling? Strange creatures men.

    It all sounds horrendous love, true saying can pick your friends but not your family....if only you could. I have a step-daughter and we have had many confrontations over the years, the worsed was the night of Daves surgery, had to drag her out of ICU, total embarressment. Should have beat the crap out of her but was too upset to even speak to her for a few days after.

    People dont realise how hard it is to look after someone you love on a daily basis that is suffering not only pain but everything that comes with it. Just a little thing going wrong has a tremendous emotional effect on you. A  bad day for a normal life seems so trivial now, I too get so angry and upset over things, and you dont deserve to be treated this way,

    Sending over my fat awkward cow of a dog to protect you and John from ar*eholes :)

    Your always in my thoughts Madge and I understand how emotional and bloody draining it is for you, just wish I could do more to help xx

    Your inner strength with keep you going, just as it has before, we are made of strong stuff us carers. If you didnt love him as you do it wouldnt hurt so much.

    Lots of love and BIG HUGS

    Shaz ((((((((((((((XXXXXXXXXX))))))))))))))))

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hello Madge - Ditto what Shaz (nanny.b) says - illness unfortunately brings the best and worst out in people - it is horrendous for you who is left to try and handle it all and John who is coping with enough. Perhaps too late the family will understand what they are putting you both through. Sending you lots of positive energy and strengh to help cope with what is ahead. Peanutx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Madge

    Big, big, big (((((((((((((((((( HUG )))))))))))))))))))

    Georgia XXXX

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Madge

    As if things weren't hard enough, you're having to deal with this sh*t too.  I'm so sorry, this is awful.  You must be exhausted.

    I hope that today is a better day for you both.  Lots of love and massive hugs to you both,

    Ann x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Lord but people can be insensitive and bloody minded can't they? Poor you, John and Gemma. Maybe you could bring the outdoors to John, open up the windows, go down to the beach and record the sound of the sea, get the breeze rippling through the living room. close your eyes, hold hands and pretend you're at the seaside. Or, if it still exists you could put the birdsong channel on the radio, close your eyes and pretend you're in the countryside! Keeping my fingers crossed for a much better week this week, love Vikki xxx