hi all this is all new to me and its my first time i really am not sure how to go about things but hey heres my short story..i am thirty years old and i have a young son age 6 and a loving long term boyfriend whom i have been with for thirteen years..my nanna wa recently diagnosed with secondary liver cancer which has spread from the liver to the gall bladder..this came as a real shock to the family as she has always been so fit and healthy never smoked drank etc she always ran around after everyone else always thinking of others..my grandad is disabled and is recovering from an operation which has left him partially paralyed down one side so he is unable to do alot but god love him he is trying real hard now..we are still in the early stages and are awaiting her date to start chemo hopefully within the next week we will hear something...you see i think i have accepted it in my own way but whilst alone i cry and think what life would be like without her and its like it all hits me again over and over then i wipe my eyes dry and try and smile for my little boy..my daily routine is get up take my son to school travel to my nannas which isnt that far from where i live help her up see to breakfast do the housework then she has no strength or energy so she is lying around dosing on and off to sleep all day..then i start with my grandad cook the meals etc leave to pick up my son then go back and sort them for the night leave about six seven my boyfriend picks us up and i go home to clean see to my son then off to bed this is my life seven days a week..the family say ring if you need me but my nanna and grandad only want me or my aunt caring for them and doing the chores....dont get me wrong i do get a sense of satisfaction as i am able to help and contentment but im finding it abit difficult and i feel i am the only one doing everything i need a bit of support myself as im scared i will run myself down and i need to be strong and well to carry on how do you live your own life as well as caring full time for the two most important people in the world to me whom really i class as parents as they brought me up from a baby???why does life have to be so cruel and demanding??i sometimes feel really selfish and i could kick myself for thinking of me when i dont know if im gonna have my nanna for much longer..the doctors say that if her body doenst respond to the chemo there isnt anything else they can do how do you accept that???
FormerMember
hi , i can really empathise with your situation in november of 2005 my dad was diagnosised with lung cancer at first we were told it was operable but the day after diagnosis he developed hicups which lasted for a week [we tried everything to get rid of them imformed drs etc ] anyway a week later he went back to see the consultant to be told that the cancer was now unoperable because the hicups had been a sign the cancer had gone into his diaphram .we were devastated i have always been the one that did everything for my parents so it was natural that i carried o so to speak like you i did every thing cooking cleaning mum was also ill at the time so looking after both plus my own family was hard going also i was working full time there was never anytime for me like you i didnt mind but it did take its toll on my health love . my dad was the same in refusing help from my brothers & sisters this caused all sorts of problems & later on resentment on their part . would you be able to have a word with your nanna & grandad & say to them that you are finding it difficult though you do want to be there & do what you can you also need to be able to recharge your batteries to be able to carry on caring for them & your little boy . ask if other members of the family can be more involved as they do want to help out . i don't think you are being selfish i think you are being loving ,caring & senseable . caring for one person who is ill is a full time job caring for two with little or no outside help is nigh on impossible something will have to give in the end . you dont have to give up looking after them or even going as much as you do but try to lessen the work load & delegate tasks to others they will feel better as well . there are no words to say how you accept someone no longer being around when we lost dad it was horrible but you do get through it . i was diagnosised with breast cancer my self last year & can see it from both sides as the carer & the paitent my daughter became my carer but i was aware that she needed her own time aswell it wasn't easy but we muddled through & i am now in remisson . i just want to say that i am thinking of you & i do hope that your nanna does get through her chemo , though chemo can be very hard & nanna will become more tired so you do need to get the extra help in place now before she goes for it take care sweetheart i am thinking of you love n hugs theresa xxx
A cancer diagnosis is a family thing. If the family is willing to help, you have to let them. It is their way of dealing with it. I think you need to explain this to your grandparents, and let your family help. There may be other ways they can help too. They can help you for a start. They can do transport, arrange holidays, looking after your little one to give you a break.
Being able to help is personal, and we all do it in our own way. We aren't all good at everything, and sometimes, one person can be absolutely brilliant at battling with the Social Services, or the Benefit office, where another is really good at cooking but dries up when it needs one to one contact. I think you need to talk to the family and explain the position. Ask for their help in explaining things to your grandparents.
Sometimes, a person can help by doing something they are bad at. Just showing that they are prepared really to put themselves out, can make a lot of difference.
Anyway, I hope that the treatment goes well, and that your grandfather benefits from all this extra effort and becomes more able to do things.
Hello there. Sorry to hear about your nanna. It happens to the best of us, believe me.
It's wonderful that you're doing so much for them both but you're not going to be any use to anybody if you wear yourself out, are you? Be sensible and take heed of the above advice. Nobody appreciates a martyr and that's what you'll turn into the way things are going.
Aside from anything else, you owe it to your little boy and your lover to spend some time with them and not be always at your nanna's house and coming home exhausted. Let the rest of the family help out. Your grandparents will understand if you explain to them that you need your rest. If your grandparents don't want them cluttering up the house, start off slowly by letting other people do the laundry and preparing casseroles etc in their own homes. They could also do the shopping. Maybe your little boy could have the odd sleepover with somebody. Rwth's right, people can help in lots of ways.
hiim sorry to say that I just lost my wife to liver cancer, the teatment was working but it caused a clot and she could not win. keep doing all you can yes cry it helps, I known it feels like you are doing it all but its all we can do to support our loved ones
enjoy life to the full and make every second count,
