Hi to all who read this..I'm new to this and just felt the urge to say how much reading everyone elses blogs helps get through. My mum has the lung cancer and I'm just trying to get my head round everything from finances, living arrangements and every day living. I have five children and live 50 miles away from mum, she was diagnosed in October and has declined rapidly since, she has oxygen at night and cant go anywhere unaccompanied. She lives in a second story flat so im trying to move her in with us. Trouble is, she is in complete denial which makes everything so much harder, not that its easy of course, it just makes me feel like the worst person ever for the thoughts I have in my head..anyone else out there with that?? You try talking funerals, wills and debt to someone who has their head buried in the sand..i
I dont want to have the conversation anymore than she does, but I feel like I've lost my mum already, she is tired all the time and obviously not willing to admit that she feels it. I feel like I want to bury my head and have everything go away but I cant do that.
You read all the other blogs and my heart goes out to everyone but also my heart soars when I read the positive comments from sufferers and families alike, its good to know we are not alone out there but also such a shame there are so damned many of us.
FormerMember
Hi,
it's my Dad who has liver & lung cancer. At present he is in hospital and there is not much hope. He is not aware much but i have the problem with my Mom who seems to be in denial. She seems to think that everything will be ok. I know it is very frustraiting and it is giving me a headache just thinking how to get through to her.
You have the added problem of the move but i am sure if you contact the Macmillan nurses they can give you advice. If it is going to get overcrowded you may concider a Hospice, something that my Mom will not talk about. She thinks she will cope but there is no way she can lift my Dad.
Anyway i hope you have some luck getting through to her.
Don't beat yourself up too much we wouldn't be human if we did not have these thoughts.
Thank you so much for all the comments, I've only just read them!! Its been a busy time as you all appreciate so well. Mum has been with me every weekend since October when discharged from hospital the first time. She didnt look too good when I left her Sunday & I felt awful leaving her. She was due to start chemo again but she rang to say shed been admitted again with another chest infection. i must admit to feeling relieved like a pressure had been lifted knowing she was safe & had people around her. I went to see her yesterday and finally had a frank talk with her macmillan nurse. Ive been told they arent offering chemo anymore as its just not viable so only palliative care from here on in and from the way shes declining it will be a matter of weeks maybe months if were lucky. Mum still does not want to know and is clearly terrified, thats what breaks my heart. She knows deep down but just cant deal with it.
Im moving her in on the 14th Feb, I just wannt to concentrate on her living not her dying and enjoy to the best of our ability what time she has left. Any suggestions though as to how to break through her armour and reach the person I know is hiding in there?????
I don't know what to say really, it sounds like your mum is one of those people who thinks 'if you don't mention it, it won't happen' - and I have to say that I didn't sit and have any cry-in sessions with my mum, I did all my crying on my own and she probably did the same, but we laughed a lot - just about silly things really and it makes me feel good now when I look back and think of the silly things I did to make her laugh, like playing air guitar in the garden.... What about getting some DVDs of her favourite comedy shows or person? Laughter is a tonic for everyone and it may just help to break her down a little.
I'll be thinking of you - and I am sending you big hugs and as much strength as the cyber airwaves will let me to get you through these difficult days xxxx
I'm trying really hard to make her laugh, and like you am doing all my crying on my own.She really doesnt want to think about it all, which is fair enough I guess, I dont either!!!
We had a good weekend, she chatted about non important things and we watched tv together but then shes had antibiotics all week and feels better, when she has a chest infection she is simply a really bad patient!!! I'm praying things will be better when shes moved in although I feel like one of those people who are forcing their parents into an old peoples home against their will!! she doesnt want to move but has no choice as she is housebound completely due to stairs and she is on her own. She has lived there for 33 years so this really is an upheaval and I guess to have me talk about packing stuff and leaving/selling loads isnt easy..got to be done though!
Anyway, thank you so much for listening, it helps just to rant doesnt it??
